This is my 2nd blog in succession, but really I don't that much time to blog anyway.
There's this thing that was been popping up in my mind, because one thing was that it really spoke to me through a book " Journey of Desire" and it seems like I've been dealing with this issue around in my life alot; maybe because the book started opening my eyes.
Let me start with this: A conversation with a friend..
My friend said that when you make a decision, the best gauge is to think about which decision leads you to greater godliness.
I was like.. Huh?
What do you mean by greater godliness? Even as a Christian, I totally had no idea what he was talking about.
For example if you were choosing between two jobs, and one was intensive, working late hours and the other was more slack, but it meant that you had more time for prayer and reading the Bible, you should take the latter.
Oh I see, but I totally disagreed with that he said. He's my friend la, I love him, but he's just off. That's totally unscriptural.
And that's what I want to talk about: Principles.
As humans, it's a very natural thing for us to try to rely on principles. The Godliness principle states that you have to pick the job that leads you to greater godliness.
It's natural. We like to think in principles. Look at all the frameworks consultants have come up with. All the diagrams and stuff that philosphers have done.
And it extends to the Christian faith as well. Besides this Godliness principle, there's probably unsaid things like the "Serving God" principle: when an authority asks you to do certain things ( even when you're overloaded), the serving god principle states that you are a good servant if you accept it, because you have submissive and obedient. BUT when you apply the Sabbath day principle: You realize that because of all these, you don't have a day of rest at all.
So then now what?
Principles are great, but more often than not, they reflect the fear of uncertainty of the human heart. We, in our fallen state, are attempting to try to figure life out by ourselves and to put it under OUR control.
Frameworks, Principles; we use things we can see to try to put our lives under our own control.
How do you gauge if you're doing well in God. Oh, use the attendance principle( btw all these are unspoken, but yet it's pretty obvious some people live by them): Are you attending cell group and service?
But then my question to them is: By which principle did Abraham use when he brought his son up to Mt Moriah to be sacrificed? The 10 commandments weren't even out then. The godliness principle maybe? Maybe he decided that he would be more godly if he were to kill his only son.
By which principle did Jesus decided that He was to be crucified?
By which principle did the disciples live by when they started speaking in other tongues?
But the Bible says: The just shall live by faith.
(Hab 2:4,Romans 1:17)
To Abraham: His faith was accounted to him as righteousness. (Also in Bible, but i forgot book chapter and verse)
God said in the Bible, that He has put His law in our hearts. That we have a new spirit and a new heart.
Why then has man gone back to principles, laws and commandments after 2000 years, like the Pharisees used to be?
It's safe.
It's certainty.
You don't need faith when you think all you have to do is A-Z for God to be pleased with you.
Your life is back under your control.
And why don't we dare to live from our hearts? Live by faith?
It's scarey.
It's dark in there.
You don't know what your heart's desire will bring out.
It's like a sleeping dragon in there.
You HAVE to live by faith.
Your life stops being under your control when you decide to give up your stable job and start a business on your own. Or when you decide that you will love another person wholeheartedly. There's a chance to be hurt now. You're vulnerable when you live from your heart.
Look back into your heart. Ask yourself What do you want?
You'll notice it's alot. Too much for you to handle sometimes. But God never expected us to quell our desires, but to re-direct them.
The Bible says to guard our hearts. Not kill it.
But what often is the first thing that religion does to us? It tries to kill the heart. It's just too much to bear. So we're unconsciously we're taught to kill our own desires so that we can be 'godly'. We just want to be 'faithful servants' who do as we're told. We give up our dreams and desires because they make us wild, sometimes seemingly disobedient to the 800 commandments and principles that have been set up on top of God's 10.
But Jesus never asked us to quell that desire. Look at the way he treated the sinners. The tax collectors, the prostitutes, the Samaritian woman who had 5 husbands before.
He knew they, in their hearts, they were looking for God. They were searching for a life that only God could give, a life of intimacy, of hope, of abundance. But they were doing it without God, which was why their desires were directed into the wrong places. They tried to find life in all the wrong places, in the wrong people.
Jesus knew that: that was why he said to the Samaritian woman:(roughly, no time to check bible)" If you knew the water I could give you, you will drink and never be thirsty again." Jesus knew that she was searching, searching for the life only God could give, and she found them in the wrong places, which led her to her present state.
That is our problem sometimes, we try to make a life for ourselves apart from God, and we see that often we just screw ourselves up.
But these people never knew God. That was why Jesus was so compassionate on them, He knew what they were looking for, and He knew He had it.
Our desires are holy. They are good. They just need to be re-focused and re-directed. Live from the heart. It is either our greatest enemy or greatest ally.
Conversely: Why did you think Jesus was so pissed with the Pharisees? They tried to kill the heart. They tried to put God in a box. They added hundreds and hundreds of commandments to gauge their holiness, to gauge people's holiness.
While the sinners never put their heart away, the Pharisees already planned to live their life apart from God. And what's more, they tried to kill the hearts of the people as well.
So friend, are you a Pharisee yourself?
Do you REALLY live by faith? or by principles? or by wisdom?
Do you follow Jesus' principles? Or do you follow Jesus?
Romans 8:14
For as many are led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God.
That same friend asked me what this verse meant in the same bus ride. Only then did I realize why we had such a debate. Ha..
Simple. It means what it means.
If you don't know the Spirit of God. You won't understand this verse.
Then I realized one thing: He didn't really know God for himself, that's why he lived by principles.
Know God for yourself.
Jesus didn't come to give us 800 more princples or commandments. He came to give us LIFE more abundantly, in this time, and the time that is to come. =)
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Of not-so-nice grades and internships
I got back two of my grades last night: Ethics, which I got an A- and SME consulting which was a B+. Honestly, I was a little disappointed at the SME consulting grade.
I did alot of work for the project and all the liaising with my client. But the grading system is such that the project group gets a common grade and then the test is the determining factor. Maybe I didn't do so well for the test.
I had expected an A- at least for it, but well.
Then I ask, why is it that you're disappointed? Does it matter really whether its a B+ or A-? The most important thing is that you've enjoyed the course and learnt about consulting.
You don't intend to work anyway so like your grades don't really matter actually. Then why so sian?
Maybe it's cos that B+ represents what the world thinks of your ability. " I think you're a B+ in your consulting skills." That statement seems to be in that innocent looking B+ on my SMUVista.
Oh well. I'm stronger than that. A grading system will not determine my ability or where I'm going in the future. I'll just forget it ever happened.
------
Working life is not easy.
Not because the work is tough, but I guess for me, because the work will turn out to be routine after a while. The department I work in is Business Advisory Services, which is kinda like consulting, and mostly HR consulting. So the jobs of the associates is to consult, recommend, conduct workshops, churn out reports and do up powerpoint slides. Pretty much sounds like what I've been doing for my UOB-SMU Project and SME consulting Project.
I'm thinking: Yeah, everything's cool and all, I'm happy here, the colleagues are great. They're all young people only slightly older than me so there is no generational gap. It's my 3rd day and I've having fun exploring the place, getting into the 'culture' of things. And yes, each day was significant because it was meeting new people, and going new eating places (lol).
But what after 1 year? I was thinking. Would I remember my 42th day at work as much as my 3rd day?
I don't know man. Maybe I haven't got into the flow of work, so nothing's really challenging me yet.
But would I give 7 am - 7 pm (including travel time), of everyday to a job like that? I imagine that same desk everyday, same things to eat everyday.
And the thing about it is that, i feel it dulls our senses. It de-sensitizes our hearts. And it's not noticeable because it happens bit by bit, bit by bit.
What do you want?
That's a good question to ask yourself, if you want to know if your heart is still in there. Ha...
Oh well, for the first 3 days I've just been asking the colleagues how the department functions and all. I think it's a good model to use for a business. =)
I did alot of work for the project and all the liaising with my client. But the grading system is such that the project group gets a common grade and then the test is the determining factor. Maybe I didn't do so well for the test.
I had expected an A- at least for it, but well.
Then I ask, why is it that you're disappointed? Does it matter really whether its a B+ or A-? The most important thing is that you've enjoyed the course and learnt about consulting.
You don't intend to work anyway so like your grades don't really matter actually. Then why so sian?
Maybe it's cos that B+ represents what the world thinks of your ability. " I think you're a B+ in your consulting skills." That statement seems to be in that innocent looking B+ on my SMUVista.
Oh well. I'm stronger than that. A grading system will not determine my ability or where I'm going in the future. I'll just forget it ever happened.
------
Working life is not easy.
Not because the work is tough, but I guess for me, because the work will turn out to be routine after a while. The department I work in is Business Advisory Services, which is kinda like consulting, and mostly HR consulting. So the jobs of the associates is to consult, recommend, conduct workshops, churn out reports and do up powerpoint slides. Pretty much sounds like what I've been doing for my UOB-SMU Project and SME consulting Project.
I'm thinking: Yeah, everything's cool and all, I'm happy here, the colleagues are great. They're all young people only slightly older than me so there is no generational gap. It's my 3rd day and I've having fun exploring the place, getting into the 'culture' of things. And yes, each day was significant because it was meeting new people, and going new eating places (lol).
But what after 1 year? I was thinking. Would I remember my 42th day at work as much as my 3rd day?
I don't know man. Maybe I haven't got into the flow of work, so nothing's really challenging me yet.
But would I give 7 am - 7 pm (including travel time), of everyday to a job like that? I imagine that same desk everyday, same things to eat everyday.
And the thing about it is that, i feel it dulls our senses. It de-sensitizes our hearts. And it's not noticeable because it happens bit by bit, bit by bit.
What do you want?
That's a good question to ask yourself, if you want to know if your heart is still in there. Ha...
Oh well, for the first 3 days I've just been asking the colleagues how the department functions and all. I think it's a good model to use for a business. =)
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
First 2 days of Internship.
Well, it's my first taste of corporate culture in the first 2 days of my time at Ernst and Young.
Actually the colleagues are really nice la. Fengyi told me that it's like a bubble: not very real kinda corporate culture.
First 2 days I got treated twice already. They're so generous I'm thinking if all corporate people are like that or just them. Haha.
Job's been alright.
3 church people work there as well. Haha. One of them just approached me cos she only just found out that I'm from the same church. I even told her how we met: we were kinda 'fighting' for seats during xmas. Heh.
Small world.
Daryl's bro Brian is there too. Really nice guy to talk to. I'll always remember him as the guy who decided that Pastor Kong's answer was wrong ( for SOT 2006) and then went on to pick the wrong answer. Hahaha. Oh man.
Anyway alot of things have been happening over these 2 days, but I suspect it's God's will that all these is happening.
I want to blog more, but time for QT=).
Actually the colleagues are really nice la. Fengyi told me that it's like a bubble: not very real kinda corporate culture.
First 2 days I got treated twice already. They're so generous I'm thinking if all corporate people are like that or just them. Haha.
Job's been alright.
3 church people work there as well. Haha. One of them just approached me cos she only just found out that I'm from the same church. I even told her how we met: we were kinda 'fighting' for seats during xmas. Heh.
Small world.
Daryl's bro Brian is there too. Really nice guy to talk to. I'll always remember him as the guy who decided that Pastor Kong's answer was wrong ( for SOT 2006) and then went on to pick the wrong answer. Hahaha. Oh man.
Anyway alot of things have been happening over these 2 days, but I suspect it's God's will that all these is happening.
I want to blog more, but time for QT=).
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Interesting Conversations
Haven't blogged in almost a week.
My comp crashed on last Friday morning, and I sent it for repairs. Praise God it happened one day after my exams, and also that I learnt that I could live my life without having to stare at my computer for hours everyday! So far the time I spend in front of a computer a day is about say.. 15 mins? ( excluding blogging this post in my bro's computer). Thank God for that. I realized how much more there is to life than just staring in front of the computer all day.
More time with God. More time for reading. More time for exercise. More time just to chill.
-------
I spent Monday and Tuesday at SAFRA Changi, a beautiful chalet at the end of East Coast. It was for a Uni-Y Retreat and it was a time of sharing lives, reconcilation, spiritual warfare, and time with God.
A glimpse of Paradise.
Sometimes we can get lost in this urban jungle, full of things to do, full of emails to reply but how often can you wake up without an agenda for the day?
On the first night of the retreat, I just went to the beach with a friend, and we just had a time of sharing our lives. Our views on things, our life stories.
The crashing of the waves under the moonlit sky.
Slowing down our hearts.
Just sitting there and waiting for nothing.
The brushing of the sea breeze against my cheek.
Can you hear the sound of heaven...
We spoke for about 2 hours before deciding we were too tired and then we went back to the chalet with the rest of the guys.
The next day, I went to the beach again, this time alone.
I went to the rocks, the more jagged rocks that were just by the sea. The waters crashed on the rocks with each wave. I stepped on each rock with caution as I tried to get closer to the waters.
I observe small little crabs crawling from under the rocks. The waves splash on them, but they held firmly on the rocks.
I stood as close as possible to the waters without letting the waves get to my feet.
Waiting.
Just listening to every wave that hit the rocks.
God, are you here?
....
Just listening.
In case God decides to speak.
....
I turn around wanting to head back.
I fell down on the rocks, my hands tried to break the fall, but they slipped and I struggled to get my balance under those slippery rocks. My wallet fell out of my hands.
I finally got my balance. I looked around. Well. There wasn't anyone around. Oh well.
I got to my feet, observed my hands. Scratches. I sprained my right wrist.
My legs. My right knee was bleeding.
I cautiously stepped back to the sand area.
I had no intention of going back to wash myself. I'm staying here.
You're a man.
I felt God's affirmation.
I smiled.
I walked onto the sandy part..and I see a stretch of sand I could walk alongside the sea.
I start praying...
Well, what an experience. =) Honestly Singapore sea is not something that is much to be admired, but surely a taste of heaven to come. I totally enjoyed my experience there.
Sometimes we live in such a consumer driven society that everyone wishes to be entertained by something at every moment: The chalet facilities prove it: Movie rental, HBO, Star Movies, Bowling, Swimming Pool, Arcade, Pool table, KTV, Gym, Wireless internet, jackpot machine.
But to me, the greatest joy comes in the simplest things. Going back to nature. The remnants of the beauty that Elohim God once placed on Earth, that speaks of the Paradise lost.. that speaks of Eden...
One day we will see it.
Our longing, our hope does not disappoint.
-------
I was speaking to a friend about the kind of struggles I was facing as the head of the ministry in school.
It's spiritual warfare.
It's a battle.
"Sometimes the thought of suicide flashes through my mind. Sometimes the thought of giving up just comes suddenly. I even had the thought of not having the vision sharing meeting yesterday."
" Really?"
Now this was a girl who was filled with the joy of the Lord. She's this girl that is passionately in love with Jesus. And her joy is immensely contagious. I totally loved just being around her. The joy of the Lord was almost literally radiating through her.
"Yeah, you can come to the spiritual battlefront. You'll know what I'm talking about. Look your friend is going through the same thing. It seems like the devil is really not very happy with us."
"Huh, are you sure or not? Very scarey leh."
"Yeah. There was a time when I was like you. Had a lot of time just for God, loved God so passionately and all I wanted to do was to talk about and to Him. Listened to alot of sermons, read alot about books about Him. I spent over a year just reading about Him, praying to Him, listening to sermons, just attending service and cell group, getting good results in school..."
"Oh no, that means next time I'll be like this? Oh no, I must prepare myself."
"Don't worry, there is a time and season for everything. God is now preparing you and training you in the same way he prepared me before you are sent out. "
At that moment I felt like some war veteran telling a recruit about the horrors of war. Ha. But no la, seriously I am really nothing compared to the many people who have built the church of Jesus Christ upon their own blood. Those are the real veterans.
To my dear friend, the joy of the Lord is your strength! And It will be your strength on that day. =)
C.S Lewis once said: We are in enemy occupied territory.
Yea, while many portray the birth of Christ as the silent night, yet they do not see the spiritual meaning behind it, written in Revelations 12. The birth of Christ is the spiritual D-day. The great invasion.
We're fighting a war and the enemy is the Devil.
Be of good courage. God is with you.
Retreat is not an option.
While we may enter into a time of wilderness filled with the Holy Spirit, a time of spiritual warfare, a time where our identity is tested, our loyalty is tested, our faith is tested, but I always will remember one thing...
We return in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Screw you devil. You suck.
My comp crashed on last Friday morning, and I sent it for repairs. Praise God it happened one day after my exams, and also that I learnt that I could live my life without having to stare at my computer for hours everyday! So far the time I spend in front of a computer a day is about say.. 15 mins? ( excluding blogging this post in my bro's computer). Thank God for that. I realized how much more there is to life than just staring in front of the computer all day.
More time with God. More time for reading. More time for exercise. More time just to chill.
-------
I spent Monday and Tuesday at SAFRA Changi, a beautiful chalet at the end of East Coast. It was for a Uni-Y Retreat and it was a time of sharing lives, reconcilation, spiritual warfare, and time with God.
A glimpse of Paradise.
Sometimes we can get lost in this urban jungle, full of things to do, full of emails to reply but how often can you wake up without an agenda for the day?
On the first night of the retreat, I just went to the beach with a friend, and we just had a time of sharing our lives. Our views on things, our life stories.
The crashing of the waves under the moonlit sky.
Slowing down our hearts.
Just sitting there and waiting for nothing.
The brushing of the sea breeze against my cheek.
Can you hear the sound of heaven...
We spoke for about 2 hours before deciding we were too tired and then we went back to the chalet with the rest of the guys.
The next day, I went to the beach again, this time alone.
I went to the rocks, the more jagged rocks that were just by the sea. The waters crashed on the rocks with each wave. I stepped on each rock with caution as I tried to get closer to the waters.
I observe small little crabs crawling from under the rocks. The waves splash on them, but they held firmly on the rocks.
I stood as close as possible to the waters without letting the waves get to my feet.
Waiting.
Just listening to every wave that hit the rocks.
God, are you here?
....
Just listening.
In case God decides to speak.
....
I turn around wanting to head back.
I fell down on the rocks, my hands tried to break the fall, but they slipped and I struggled to get my balance under those slippery rocks. My wallet fell out of my hands.
I finally got my balance. I looked around. Well. There wasn't anyone around. Oh well.
I got to my feet, observed my hands. Scratches. I sprained my right wrist.
My legs. My right knee was bleeding.
I cautiously stepped back to the sand area.
I had no intention of going back to wash myself. I'm staying here.
You're a man.
I felt God's affirmation.
I smiled.
I walked onto the sandy part..and I see a stretch of sand I could walk alongside the sea.
I start praying...
Well, what an experience. =) Honestly Singapore sea is not something that is much to be admired, but surely a taste of heaven to come. I totally enjoyed my experience there.
Sometimes we live in such a consumer driven society that everyone wishes to be entertained by something at every moment: The chalet facilities prove it: Movie rental, HBO, Star Movies, Bowling, Swimming Pool, Arcade, Pool table, KTV, Gym, Wireless internet, jackpot machine.
But to me, the greatest joy comes in the simplest things. Going back to nature. The remnants of the beauty that Elohim God once placed on Earth, that speaks of the Paradise lost.. that speaks of Eden...
One day we will see it.
Our longing, our hope does not disappoint.
-------
I was speaking to a friend about the kind of struggles I was facing as the head of the ministry in school.
It's spiritual warfare.
It's a battle.
"Sometimes the thought of suicide flashes through my mind. Sometimes the thought of giving up just comes suddenly. I even had the thought of not having the vision sharing meeting yesterday."
" Really?"
Now this was a girl who was filled with the joy of the Lord. She's this girl that is passionately in love with Jesus. And her joy is immensely contagious. I totally loved just being around her. The joy of the Lord was almost literally radiating through her.
"Yeah, you can come to the spiritual battlefront. You'll know what I'm talking about. Look your friend is going through the same thing. It seems like the devil is really not very happy with us."
"Huh, are you sure or not? Very scarey leh."
"Yeah. There was a time when I was like you. Had a lot of time just for God, loved God so passionately and all I wanted to do was to talk about and to Him. Listened to alot of sermons, read alot about books about Him. I spent over a year just reading about Him, praying to Him, listening to sermons, just attending service and cell group, getting good results in school..."
"Oh no, that means next time I'll be like this? Oh no, I must prepare myself."
"Don't worry, there is a time and season for everything. God is now preparing you and training you in the same way he prepared me before you are sent out. "
At that moment I felt like some war veteran telling a recruit about the horrors of war. Ha. But no la, seriously I am really nothing compared to the many people who have built the church of Jesus Christ upon their own blood. Those are the real veterans.
To my dear friend, the joy of the Lord is your strength! And It will be your strength on that day. =)
C.S Lewis once said: We are in enemy occupied territory.
Yea, while many portray the birth of Christ as the silent night, yet they do not see the spiritual meaning behind it, written in Revelations 12. The birth of Christ is the spiritual D-day. The great invasion.
We're fighting a war and the enemy is the Devil.
Be of good courage. God is with you.
Retreat is not an option.
While we may enter into a time of wilderness filled with the Holy Spirit, a time of spiritual warfare, a time where our identity is tested, our loyalty is tested, our faith is tested, but I always will remember one thing...
We return in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Screw you devil. You suck.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
I finished reading...
no. Not my notes.
I finished Wild At Heart again in 2 days. Haha. Now that's a record. I haven't done that in a long time ( Finish a book in such a short time).
I really recommend this book to people. It's really good because doesn't give you a list of A-Zs on how to be a good Christian kinda thing ( i.e Build up people, don't tear down, Pray 1 hour a day, be disciplined that kinda stuff), but rather it explains everything from the soul of the man, the wounds, the result of seperation from God.
It's like a complete picture of the man and his fall, and His God, and how He completes the picture on everything that's going through.
eg. When someone habitually puts down people close to him, the principle-based approach would be "We build each other up because we love the people around us, so you should be careful about what you say.".
But the book showed the wounds that led a person to be where he is today. There is a root cause in all our brokenesses, sin and all the wrong things.
The Enemy has attacked at the precise spot. It has crippled many men and women to stop them from becoming who they were destined to become. The wound that caused all of us to behave in ways less than ideal.
Yet, the way to deal with all these is not to offer principles. Yes, principles are important; they give us guidelines to live our lives, but principles will not bring a person the healing he needs and into the destiny he has been called. God will.
The book explains the wound, and where it has hurt us guys that caused us to lose our masculine hearts, and why our Heavenly Father is the only one that can heal and the only one we can truly draw from to become who He called us to be.
Really? Why are people so mean? Why do people hurt people? Is because they want to? No, its not. Nobody grows up wanting to be like that. Nobody grows up wanting to be the bastard, wanting to hurt people close to them...
It's because of the Wound.
It's because of self-perservation.
It's because we're afraid of uncertainty.
We want control over our lives.
God is our solution. Our ONLY solution.
He heals the wound.
Self-preservation becomes a Matthew 6:33
Certainty in God allows us to live with uncertainty.
God becomes in control in our lives.
Do people hurt you because they want to? Really?
I think its worth asking again and again.
Forgive them.
Without God, people will hurt and continue to hurt those close to them.
For where does sin begin? Apart from the presence of God.
Anyway here's another excerpt from the book ( MUST READ!): This one is about women. Haha
----------------------------------
The world kills a woman;s heart when it tells her to be tough, efficient, and independent. Sadly, Christianity has missed her heart as well. Walk into most churches in America, have a look around, and ask yourself this question: What is a Christian woman? Again, don't listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You'd have to admit a Christian woman is ... tired. All we've offered the feminine soul is pressure to "be a good servant." No one is fighting for her heart; there is no grand adventure to be swept up in ; and every woman doubts very much she has any beauty to unveil.
Which would you rather be said of you: "Harry? Sure I know him. He's a real sweet guy." Or, "Yes, I know about Harry. He's a dangerous man... in a reall good way." Ladies, how about you? Which man would you rather have as your mate? ( Some women, hurt by masculinity gone bad, might argue for the 'safe' man... and then wonder why, years later, there is no passion in their marriage, why he is distant and cold.) And as for your own femininity, which would you rather have said of you - that you are a 'tireless worker,' or that you are a "captivating woman"? I rest my case.
What if? What if those deep desires in our hearts are telling us the truth, revealing to us the life we were meant to live? God gave us eyes that we might see; he gave us ears that we might hear; he gaves us wills that we might choose, and he gave us hearts that we might live.
- Wild at Heart, John Eldredge
-----
I finished Wild At Heart again in 2 days. Haha. Now that's a record. I haven't done that in a long time ( Finish a book in such a short time).
I really recommend this book to people. It's really good because doesn't give you a list of A-Zs on how to be a good Christian kinda thing ( i.e Build up people, don't tear down, Pray 1 hour a day, be disciplined that kinda stuff), but rather it explains everything from the soul of the man, the wounds, the result of seperation from God.
It's like a complete picture of the man and his fall, and His God, and how He completes the picture on everything that's going through.
eg. When someone habitually puts down people close to him, the principle-based approach would be "We build each other up because we love the people around us, so you should be careful about what you say.".
But the book showed the wounds that led a person to be where he is today. There is a root cause in all our brokenesses, sin and all the wrong things.
The Enemy has attacked at the precise spot. It has crippled many men and women to stop them from becoming who they were destined to become. The wound that caused all of us to behave in ways less than ideal.
Yet, the way to deal with all these is not to offer principles. Yes, principles are important; they give us guidelines to live our lives, but principles will not bring a person the healing he needs and into the destiny he has been called. God will.
The book explains the wound, and where it has hurt us guys that caused us to lose our masculine hearts, and why our Heavenly Father is the only one that can heal and the only one we can truly draw from to become who He called us to be.
Really? Why are people so mean? Why do people hurt people? Is because they want to? No, its not. Nobody grows up wanting to be like that. Nobody grows up wanting to be the bastard, wanting to hurt people close to them...
It's because of the Wound.
It's because of self-perservation.
It's because we're afraid of uncertainty.
We want control over our lives.
God is our solution. Our ONLY solution.
He heals the wound.
Self-preservation becomes a Matthew 6:33
Certainty in God allows us to live with uncertainty.
God becomes in control in our lives.
Do people hurt you because they want to? Really?
I think its worth asking again and again.
Forgive them.
Without God, people will hurt and continue to hurt those close to them.
For where does sin begin? Apart from the presence of God.
Anyway here's another excerpt from the book ( MUST READ!): This one is about women. Haha
----------------------------------
The world kills a woman;s heart when it tells her to be tough, efficient, and independent. Sadly, Christianity has missed her heart as well. Walk into most churches in America, have a look around, and ask yourself this question: What is a Christian woman? Again, don't listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You'd have to admit a Christian woman is ... tired. All we've offered the feminine soul is pressure to "be a good servant." No one is fighting for her heart; there is no grand adventure to be swept up in ; and every woman doubts very much she has any beauty to unveil.
Which would you rather be said of you: "Harry? Sure I know him. He's a real sweet guy." Or, "Yes, I know about Harry. He's a dangerous man... in a reall good way." Ladies, how about you? Which man would you rather have as your mate? ( Some women, hurt by masculinity gone bad, might argue for the 'safe' man... and then wonder why, years later, there is no passion in their marriage, why he is distant and cold.) And as for your own femininity, which would you rather have said of you - that you are a 'tireless worker,' or that you are a "captivating woman"? I rest my case.
What if? What if those deep desires in our hearts are telling us the truth, revealing to us the life we were meant to live? God gave us eyes that we might see; he gave us ears that we might hear; he gaves us wills that we might choose, and he gave us hearts that we might live.
- Wild at Heart, John Eldredge
-----
Sunday, April 13, 2008
I hate exams.
Period.
It's always this time that I feel the most purposeless. It's like everyday you're just living to study and making sure you get your facts right. Wake up, study. Sleep. Wake up, study.
I always ask myself. How much of this am I taking it with me for my life ahead? Probably 5%? or less? Okay maybe I'm taking Entrepreneurship and Business Creation.. its a little more.
But goodness.. why does everyone study so hard during exam time. Life is still going on leh. And life will still go on. How about spending time to exercise, to chill, to spend time with friends, and all that important things that we do?
I almost want to give up studying already. I don't mind learning, but studying is really a challenge for me. Argh. No motivation at all.
Anyway I was reading Wild at Heart in the morning again...
And I finished The Way of the Wild Heart ( 2nd Book) over the weekend.
Yes. In the exam period. Haha. I think there are some things more important than exams even though they're not urgent. As the book goes, I'm looking for my heart.
Here's an excerpt from Wild at Heart:
-----------------------
The way a man's life unfolds nowadays tends to drive his heart into remote regions of the soul. Endless hours at a computer screen, ...
Society at large can't make up its mind about men. Having spent the last thirty years redefining masulinity into something more sensitive, safe, manageable and, well, feminine, it now berates men for not being men...
"Where are the real men?" is the regular fare for talk shows and new books. You asked them to be women, I want to say.
And then alas, there is the church. Christianity, as it currently exists, has done some terrible things to men. When all is said and done, I think most men in the church believe tha God put them on the earth to be a good boy. The problem with men, we are told, is that they don't know how to keep their promises, be spiritual leaders, talk to their wives, or raise their children. But, if they will try real hard they can reach the lofty summit of becoming...
a nice guy. That's what we hold up as models of Christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. We don't smoke, drink, or swear, that's what makes us men. Now let me ask my male readers: In all your boyhood dreams growing up, did you ever dream of coming a Nice Guy? (Ladies, was the Prince of your dreams dashing... or merely nice?)
Really now - do I overstate my case? Walk into most churches in America, have a look around, and ask yoursef this question: what is a Christian man? Don't listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You'd have to admit a Christian man is ... bored. At a recent church retreat I was talking with a guy in his fifties, listening really, about his own journey as a man. "I've pretty much tried for the last 20 years to be a good man as the church defines it." Intrigued, I asked him to say what he thought that was. He paused for a long moment. "Dutiful," he said. " And seperated from his heart." A perfect description, I thought. Sadly right on the mark.
As Robert Bly laments in Iron John," some woman want a passive man if they want a man at all," the church wants a tamed man - they are called priests, the unviversity wants a domesticaed man - they are called tenure-track people; the corporations wants a ... santized, hairless, shallow man." It all comes together as a sort of westward expansion against the masculine soul. And thus the heart of a man is driven into the high country...Women know this, and lament that they have no access to their man's heart. Men know it, too, but are often unable to explain why their heart is missing. They know their heart is on the run, but they often do not know where to pick up the trail. The church wags its head and wonders why it can't get more men to sign up for its programs. The answer is simply this: We have not invited a man to know and live from his deep heart.
- Wild at Heart, John Eldredge
------------------------------------------
Wow. Anyway it's an amazing book; and in fact one of the best books I've read so far. I think every guy should really pick up the book and learn to see his heart. I loved the Way of the Wild Heart more though, it was his second book, but more precise on the stages of the masculine journey.
And I think I'm beginning to understand why is it that it's so hard for guys to 'rise up' in church. Haha.
I'm been asking alot of that to people around me, and trying to figure it out, but I think this book has provided a huge clue as to why... =)
Okay, I'm going to try to get someone out in the afternoon. NOT going to study.
Bleah.
It's always this time that I feel the most purposeless. It's like everyday you're just living to study and making sure you get your facts right. Wake up, study. Sleep. Wake up, study.
I always ask myself. How much of this am I taking it with me for my life ahead? Probably 5%? or less? Okay maybe I'm taking Entrepreneurship and Business Creation.. its a little more.
But goodness.. why does everyone study so hard during exam time. Life is still going on leh. And life will still go on. How about spending time to exercise, to chill, to spend time with friends, and all that important things that we do?
I almost want to give up studying already. I don't mind learning, but studying is really a challenge for me. Argh. No motivation at all.
Anyway I was reading Wild at Heart in the morning again...
And I finished The Way of the Wild Heart ( 2nd Book) over the weekend.
Yes. In the exam period. Haha. I think there are some things more important than exams even though they're not urgent. As the book goes, I'm looking for my heart.
Here's an excerpt from Wild at Heart:
-----------------------
The way a man's life unfolds nowadays tends to drive his heart into remote regions of the soul. Endless hours at a computer screen, ...
Society at large can't make up its mind about men. Having spent the last thirty years redefining masulinity into something more sensitive, safe, manageable and, well, feminine, it now berates men for not being men...
"Where are the real men?" is the regular fare for talk shows and new books. You asked them to be women, I want to say.
And then alas, there is the church. Christianity, as it currently exists, has done some terrible things to men. When all is said and done, I think most men in the church believe tha God put them on the earth to be a good boy. The problem with men, we are told, is that they don't know how to keep their promises, be spiritual leaders, talk to their wives, or raise their children. But, if they will try real hard they can reach the lofty summit of becoming...
a nice guy. That's what we hold up as models of Christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. We don't smoke, drink, or swear, that's what makes us men. Now let me ask my male readers: In all your boyhood dreams growing up, did you ever dream of coming a Nice Guy? (Ladies, was the Prince of your dreams dashing... or merely nice?)
Really now - do I overstate my case? Walk into most churches in America, have a look around, and ask yoursef this question: what is a Christian man? Don't listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You'd have to admit a Christian man is ... bored. At a recent church retreat I was talking with a guy in his fifties, listening really, about his own journey as a man. "I've pretty much tried for the last 20 years to be a good man as the church defines it." Intrigued, I asked him to say what he thought that was. He paused for a long moment. "Dutiful," he said. " And seperated from his heart." A perfect description, I thought. Sadly right on the mark.
As Robert Bly laments in Iron John," some woman want a passive man if they want a man at all," the church wants a tamed man - they are called priests, the unviversity wants a domesticaed man - they are called tenure-track people; the corporations wants a ... santized, hairless, shallow man." It all comes together as a sort of westward expansion against the masculine soul. And thus the heart of a man is driven into the high country...Women know this, and lament that they have no access to their man's heart. Men know it, too, but are often unable to explain why their heart is missing. They know their heart is on the run, but they often do not know where to pick up the trail. The church wags its head and wonders why it can't get more men to sign up for its programs. The answer is simply this: We have not invited a man to know and live from his deep heart.
- Wild at Heart, John Eldredge
------------------------------------------
Wow. Anyway it's an amazing book; and in fact one of the best books I've read so far. I think every guy should really pick up the book and learn to see his heart. I loved the Way of the Wild Heart more though, it was his second book, but more precise on the stages of the masculine journey.
And I think I'm beginning to understand why is it that it's so hard for guys to 'rise up' in church. Haha.
I'm been asking alot of that to people around me, and trying to figure it out, but I think this book has provided a huge clue as to why... =)
Okay, I'm going to try to get someone out in the afternoon. NOT going to study.
Bleah.
Friday, April 11, 2008
An encounter
I woke up feeling really crappy again today. It’s already been 3 days like that.
The feeling of rejection. Again.
The feeling that you just aren’t wanted.
Isolation.
So I just started spending time with God, worshipping and just talking to God and crying out to Him.
In all the pain, I just thank God for his comfort.
And I’m only beginning to understand how Jesus must have felt when his closest friends, his family rejected Him.
The feeling just sucks. For me, I don’t talk much to my family, and that’s why I tend to lean on my friend’s acceptance more. And when I don’t find that, I just feel really down.
But God is always there. His presence is always more than enough for me.
Then I realized Jesus even had God’s presence taken from Him at that moment on the cross.
I can’t even begin to imagine that. Without God, without friend, without family, humiliated, shamed but no one to stand with him.
God, I feel lonely. I can’t be a friend to them and a leader at the same time, can I?
God, I don’t have many people to share with; they’re so busy they have their own things to do.
…
I wasn’t really asking God, just pouring my heart out and just crying in His presence.
------------------
Then 45 mins into my QT, he showed me a closed vision.
A vision of gangsters fighting, and his guy taking an knife slash on behalf of his fellow gangster.
A mom, though feeling disgusted that the baby shit in the diapers, still helped him clean up.
The verse ‘scrolled’ through my mind immediately : John 15:13 (Yes, including the Book,chapter and verse) Greater love has no one than this, to lay down your life for your friends. “
Hmmm.. cannot be.. so zhun meh? Sure its John 15:13? Or is it just me imagining?
I pick up my Bible, and took a look.
Oh my. It is that verse. ( I know many might think I memorized it in my head.. Haha but no, I don’t have this verse in memory.=P, all the more revelational)
I knew it was God.
God was trying to show me something.
God, what does it mean?
Laying down my live for my friends? I know I can lay down my life for You, but for my friends?
If I lay down my life for my friends, won’t I be moving away from your calling?
“Greater love has no one than this.”
Greater love… hmm.. God is love… so …
“Perfect fellowship comes when you give your life totally to your friends.”
Uh huh.
“You feel lonely don’t you.”
Oh… yes..
“If you give of yourself fully to your friends, won’t you have fellowship?”
Uh huh! Yes I will, God!
“Jesus came not for His ministry, He came for His people. Your calling is for people, not for any ministry. Don’t forget that.”
God, I understand now. What can I do?
…
Okay, I shall end here. Haha. He showed me some people that I’m supposed to sow into, and I’ll just keep it in my heart. I think not very nice to write here. =P
Giving myself fully to my friends.
Sometimes we can get so caught with getting that job, getting into that calling for God, that we forget, it’s really just about people. We’re growing in ministry for the sake of people.
Sow.
The feeling of rejection. Again.
The feeling that you just aren’t wanted.
Isolation.
So I just started spending time with God, worshipping and just talking to God and crying out to Him.
In all the pain, I just thank God for his comfort.
And I’m only beginning to understand how Jesus must have felt when his closest friends, his family rejected Him.
The feeling just sucks. For me, I don’t talk much to my family, and that’s why I tend to lean on my friend’s acceptance more. And when I don’t find that, I just feel really down.
But God is always there. His presence is always more than enough for me.
Then I realized Jesus even had God’s presence taken from Him at that moment on the cross.
I can’t even begin to imagine that. Without God, without friend, without family, humiliated, shamed but no one to stand with him.
God, I feel lonely. I can’t be a friend to them and a leader at the same time, can I?
God, I don’t have many people to share with; they’re so busy they have their own things to do.
…
I wasn’t really asking God, just pouring my heart out and just crying in His presence.
------------------
Then 45 mins into my QT, he showed me a closed vision.
A vision of gangsters fighting, and his guy taking an knife slash on behalf of his fellow gangster.
A mom, though feeling disgusted that the baby shit in the diapers, still helped him clean up.
The verse ‘scrolled’ through my mind immediately : John 15:13 (Yes, including the Book,chapter and verse) Greater love has no one than this, to lay down your life for your friends. “
Hmmm.. cannot be.. so zhun meh? Sure its John 15:13? Or is it just me imagining?
I pick up my Bible, and took a look.
Oh my. It is that verse. ( I know many might think I memorized it in my head.. Haha but no, I don’t have this verse in memory.=P, all the more revelational)
I knew it was God.
God was trying to show me something.
God, what does it mean?
Laying down my live for my friends? I know I can lay down my life for You, but for my friends?
If I lay down my life for my friends, won’t I be moving away from your calling?
“Greater love has no one than this.”
Greater love… hmm.. God is love… so …
“Perfect fellowship comes when you give your life totally to your friends.”
Uh huh.
“You feel lonely don’t you.”
Oh… yes..
“If you give of yourself fully to your friends, won’t you have fellowship?”
Uh huh! Yes I will, God!
“Jesus came not for His ministry, He came for His people. Your calling is for people, not for any ministry. Don’t forget that.”
God, I understand now. What can I do?
…
Okay, I shall end here. Haha. He showed me some people that I’m supposed to sow into, and I’ll just keep it in my heart. I think not very nice to write here. =P
Giving myself fully to my friends.
Sometimes we can get so caught with getting that job, getting into that calling for God, that we forget, it’s really just about people. We’re growing in ministry for the sake of people.
Sow.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Interesting Personality Article
I was feeling really down today...
and God led me to an interesting Word document talking about personality types hidden somewhere in the depths of my laptop.
I am mostly the:
The Melancholy
Martin Melancholy is the richest of all the temperaments-an analytical, self-sacrificing, gifted, perfectionist type with a very sensitive emotional nature. No one gets more enjoyment from the fine arts than the Melancholy. By nature he is prone to be an introvert, but since his feelings predominate, he is given to a variety of moods. Sometimes they will lift him to heights of ecstasy that cause him to act more extroverted. How ever, at other times he will be gloomy and depressed, and during these periods he becomes with-drawn and can be quite antagonistic. This tendency toward black moods has earned him the reputation of being the “dark temperament.”
Martin is a very faithful friend, but unlike the Sanguine, he does not make friends easily. He seldom pushes himself forward to meet people, but rather lets them come to him. He is perhaps the most dependable of all the temperaments, for his perfectionist tendencies do not permit him to be a shirker or let others down when they are counting on him. His natural reticence to put himself forward is not an indication that he doesn’t enjoy people. Like the rest of us, he not only likes others but has a strong desire to be loved by them. Disappointing experiences, however, make him reluctant to take people at face value; he is prone to be suspicious when others seek him out or shower him with attention.
His exceptional analytical ability causes him to diagnose accurately the obstacles and dangers of any project he has a part in planning. This is in sharp contrast to the Choleric, who rarely anticipates problems or difficulties, but is confident he can cope with whatever crises may arise. Such a characteristic often finds the Melancholy reticent to initiate some new project, or he may conflict with those who wish to do so. Whenever a person looks at obstacles instead of resources or goals, he will easily become discouraged before he starts. If one confronts a Melancholy about his pessimistic state, he will usually retort, “I am not being negative! I’m just being realistic.” In other words, his usual thinking process makes him realistically pessimistic. Occasionally, in one of his exemplary moods of emotional ecstasy or inspiration, he may produce some great work of art, but such accomplishments are often followed by periods of intense depression. Some of the world’s greatest geniuses have been notorious for their long bouts of melancholia. And some have even committed suicide. Martin Melancholy usually finds his greatest meaning in life through personal sacrifice. He seems to enjoy making himself suffer, and will often choose a difficult life vocation involving sacrifice. But once it is chosen, he is prone to be exceptionally thorough and persistent in his pursuit of it, and he will accomplish great good if his natural tendency to gripe throughout the sacrificial process doesn’t get him so depressed that he gives up on it altogether. No temperament has so much natural potential when energized by the Holy Spirit.
The creativity and innate strengths of the Melancholy are as pronounced as his weaknesses. For example, the admirable qualities of perfectionism and conscientiousness are of ten interwoven with the spirit of negativism, pessimism, and criticism. Anyone who has worked with a gifted Melancholy very long can anticipate that his first reaction to anything will be negative. Melancholies in our college and church organizations instinctively respond “Impossible!” “It won’t work!” “It can’t be done!” “We’ve tried that once and failed!” “The people will never go for it!” That final generalization is particularly aggravating, for the reference usually applies only to the Melancholy who is raising the objection! The most damaging influence upon a person’s mind, in my opinion, is criticism; thus the Melancholy has to fight that spirit constantly. He suffers from negative thoughts, but then he compounds the problem by verbalizing them, which not only reinforces the spirit of negation but devastates his wife, children, and friends. He is endlessly examining his spiritual life and coming up short-in his own mind-despite the fact that he is most likely to be more devoted than others. As one Melancholy fretted, “I’ve confessed all the sins I can remember, but I know there must be others that I just can’t recall.” This kept him from enjoying any confidence with God.
Melancholy Strengths and Weaknesses
The gifted Melancholy temperament, whether male or female, is the broadest and richest of all temperaments but reflects the most weaknesses. No temperament offers more potential but falls far below expectations due to negative mood swings and lack of self confidence.
Strengths Weaknesses
Gilled Moody
Analytical Deeply emotional
Perfectionist Easily offended
Self-disciplined Pessimistic
Industrious Negative
Self-sacrificing Critical and picky
Aesthetic Theoretical and impractical
Creative Suspicious and revengeful
Sensitive Self-centered
Loyal and faithful Indecisive
These “low-assertive/high-responsive” people must be motivated externally-by God, others, or projects. It is difficult for them to remain idle, for when they are not motivated by others they turn introspective and begin to psychoanalyze themselves, thereby destroying their self-confidence. Many of the most outstanding servants of God have been Melancholies who were filled with the Spirit. All the prophets were Melancholy, as were Moses and several of the faithful apostles and disciples of our Lord. The Melancholy can fulfill his potential only through the Spirit-filled life (Ephesians 5.17-21), which causes him to become a thankful praiser instead of a gloomy griper!
-------
Well I think I don't go to the extreme for the negative things he talks about the Melancholy.
But I sometimes just don't understand my mood swings. I remind myself of the prophets. I remember Pastor was talking about the ministry of the Prophet in the Bible, and I really could relate to its weaknesses, and show some of the strengths in the area.
Visionary. Prophetic.
but at the same time:
Just plain weird. Emotional, sensitive and get this weird mood swings. Like some mornings I can just wake up feeling like crap..and I don't even know why.
But like I mentioned, all these weaknesses made me lean on God more, which I is a good thing. =) At least I can relate to some men of God in the Bible. Haha.
Anyway the article also talked about Choleric, which i could identify with, the achievement oriented temperament, but I guess its my secondary personality. Still mostly the melancholy.
and God led me to an interesting Word document talking about personality types hidden somewhere in the depths of my laptop.
I am mostly the:
The Melancholy
Martin Melancholy is the richest of all the temperaments-an analytical, self-sacrificing, gifted, perfectionist type with a very sensitive emotional nature. No one gets more enjoyment from the fine arts than the Melancholy. By nature he is prone to be an introvert, but since his feelings predominate, he is given to a variety of moods. Sometimes they will lift him to heights of ecstasy that cause him to act more extroverted. How ever, at other times he will be gloomy and depressed, and during these periods he becomes with-drawn and can be quite antagonistic. This tendency toward black moods has earned him the reputation of being the “dark temperament.”
Martin is a very faithful friend, but unlike the Sanguine, he does not make friends easily. He seldom pushes himself forward to meet people, but rather lets them come to him. He is perhaps the most dependable of all the temperaments, for his perfectionist tendencies do not permit him to be a shirker or let others down when they are counting on him. His natural reticence to put himself forward is not an indication that he doesn’t enjoy people. Like the rest of us, he not only likes others but has a strong desire to be loved by them. Disappointing experiences, however, make him reluctant to take people at face value; he is prone to be suspicious when others seek him out or shower him with attention.
His exceptional analytical ability causes him to diagnose accurately the obstacles and dangers of any project he has a part in planning. This is in sharp contrast to the Choleric, who rarely anticipates problems or difficulties, but is confident he can cope with whatever crises may arise. Such a characteristic often finds the Melancholy reticent to initiate some new project, or he may conflict with those who wish to do so. Whenever a person looks at obstacles instead of resources or goals, he will easily become discouraged before he starts. If one confronts a Melancholy about his pessimistic state, he will usually retort, “I am not being negative! I’m just being realistic.” In other words, his usual thinking process makes him realistically pessimistic. Occasionally, in one of his exemplary moods of emotional ecstasy or inspiration, he may produce some great work of art, but such accomplishments are often followed by periods of intense depression. Some of the world’s greatest geniuses have been notorious for their long bouts of melancholia. And some have even committed suicide. Martin Melancholy usually finds his greatest meaning in life through personal sacrifice. He seems to enjoy making himself suffer, and will often choose a difficult life vocation involving sacrifice. But once it is chosen, he is prone to be exceptionally thorough and persistent in his pursuit of it, and he will accomplish great good if his natural tendency to gripe throughout the sacrificial process doesn’t get him so depressed that he gives up on it altogether. No temperament has so much natural potential when energized by the Holy Spirit.
The creativity and innate strengths of the Melancholy are as pronounced as his weaknesses. For example, the admirable qualities of perfectionism and conscientiousness are of ten interwoven with the spirit of negativism, pessimism, and criticism. Anyone who has worked with a gifted Melancholy very long can anticipate that his first reaction to anything will be negative. Melancholies in our college and church organizations instinctively respond “Impossible!” “It won’t work!” “It can’t be done!” “We’ve tried that once and failed!” “The people will never go for it!” That final generalization is particularly aggravating, for the reference usually applies only to the Melancholy who is raising the objection! The most damaging influence upon a person’s mind, in my opinion, is criticism; thus the Melancholy has to fight that spirit constantly. He suffers from negative thoughts, but then he compounds the problem by verbalizing them, which not only reinforces the spirit of negation but devastates his wife, children, and friends. He is endlessly examining his spiritual life and coming up short-in his own mind-despite the fact that he is most likely to be more devoted than others. As one Melancholy fretted, “I’ve confessed all the sins I can remember, but I know there must be others that I just can’t recall.” This kept him from enjoying any confidence with God.
Melancholy Strengths and Weaknesses
The gifted Melancholy temperament, whether male or female, is the broadest and richest of all temperaments but reflects the most weaknesses. No temperament offers more potential but falls far below expectations due to negative mood swings and lack of self confidence.
Strengths Weaknesses
Gilled Moody
Analytical Deeply emotional
Perfectionist Easily offended
Self-disciplined Pessimistic
Industrious Negative
Self-sacrificing Critical and picky
Aesthetic Theoretical and impractical
Creative Suspicious and revengeful
Sensitive Self-centered
Loyal and faithful Indecisive
These “low-assertive/high-responsive” people must be motivated externally-by God, others, or projects. It is difficult for them to remain idle, for when they are not motivated by others they turn introspective and begin to psychoanalyze themselves, thereby destroying their self-confidence. Many of the most outstanding servants of God have been Melancholies who were filled with the Spirit. All the prophets were Melancholy, as were Moses and several of the faithful apostles and disciples of our Lord. The Melancholy can fulfill his potential only through the Spirit-filled life (Ephesians 5.17-21), which causes him to become a thankful praiser instead of a gloomy griper!
-------
Well I think I don't go to the extreme for the negative things he talks about the Melancholy.
But I sometimes just don't understand my mood swings. I remind myself of the prophets. I remember Pastor was talking about the ministry of the Prophet in the Bible, and I really could relate to its weaknesses, and show some of the strengths in the area.
Visionary. Prophetic.
but at the same time:
Just plain weird. Emotional, sensitive and get this weird mood swings. Like some mornings I can just wake up feeling like crap..and I don't even know why.
But like I mentioned, all these weaknesses made me lean on God more, which I is a good thing. =) At least I can relate to some men of God in the Bible. Haha.
Anyway the article also talked about Choleric, which i could identify with, the achievement oriented temperament, but I guess its my secondary personality. Still mostly the melancholy.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
My parents just bought my sis...
a $9000 harp!
Goodness. The last they bought a present even 1% of that price for me was like....
...
Never mind. Ha..
But before I let the feelings of envy or jealousy take me... I just want to say I have a Father who gives better ;)
Seriously it's not easy to parent 4 kids. It'll never be fair. There will be some that will get better treatment than others. But God is fair, amen ;)
Goodness. The last they bought a present even 1% of that price for me was like....
...
Never mind. Ha..
But before I let the feelings of envy or jealousy take me... I just want to say I have a Father who gives better ;)
Seriously it's not easy to parent 4 kids. It'll never be fair. There will be some that will get better treatment than others. But God is fair, amen ;)
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