I hate exams.

Period.

It's always this time that I feel the most purposeless. It's like everyday you're just living to study and making sure you get your facts right. Wake up, study. Sleep. Wake up, study.

I always ask myself. How much of this am I taking it with me for my life ahead? Probably 5%? or less? Okay maybe I'm taking Entrepreneurship and Business Creation.. its a little more.

But goodness.. why does everyone study so hard during exam time. Life is still going on leh. And life will still go on. How about spending time to exercise, to chill, to spend time with friends, and all that important things that we do?

I almost want to give up studying already. I don't mind learning, but studying is really a challenge for me. Argh. No motivation at all.

Anyway I was reading Wild at Heart in the morning again...
And I finished The Way of the Wild Heart ( 2nd Book) over the weekend.

Yes. In the exam period. Haha. I think there are some things more important than exams even though they're not urgent. As the book goes, I'm looking for my heart.

Here's an excerpt from Wild at Heart:
-----------------------
The way a man's life unfolds nowadays tends to drive his heart into remote regions of the soul. Endless hours at a computer screen, ...

Society at large can't make up its mind about men. Having spent the last thirty years redefining masulinity into something more sensitive, safe, manageable and, well, feminine, it now berates men for not being men...

"Where are the real men?" is the regular fare for talk shows and new books. You asked them to be women, I want to say.

And then alas, there is the church. Christianity, as it currently exists, has done some terrible things to men. When all is said and done, I think most men in the church believe tha God put them on the earth to be a good boy. The problem with men, we are told, is that they don't know how to keep their promises, be spiritual leaders, talk to their wives, or raise their children. But, if they will try real hard they can reach the lofty summit of becoming...

a nice guy. That's what we hold up as models of Christian maturity: Really Nice Guys. We don't smoke, drink, or swear, that's what makes us men. Now let me ask my male readers: In all your boyhood dreams growing up, did you ever dream of coming a Nice Guy? (Ladies, was the Prince of your dreams dashing... or merely nice?)

Really now - do I overstate my case? Walk into most churches in America, have a look around, and ask yoursef this question: what is a Christian man? Don't listen to what is said, look at what you find there. There is no doubt about it. You'd have to admit a Christian man is ... bored. At a recent church retreat I was talking with a guy in his fifties, listening really, about his own journey as a man. "I've pretty much tried for the last 20 years to be a good man as the church defines it." Intrigued, I asked him to say what he thought that was. He paused for a long moment. "Dutiful," he said. " And seperated from his heart." A perfect description, I thought. Sadly right on the mark.

As Robert Bly laments in Iron John," some woman want a passive man if they want a man at all," the church wants a tamed man - they are called priests, the unviversity wants a domesticaed man - they are called tenure-track people; the corporations wants a ... santized, hairless, shallow man." It all comes together as a sort of westward expansion against the masculine soul. And thus the heart of a man is driven into the high country...Women know this, and lament that they have no access to their man's heart. Men know it, too, but are often unable to explain why their heart is missing. They know their heart is on the run, but they often do not know where to pick up the trail. The church wags its head and wonders why it can't get more men to sign up for its programs. The answer is simply this: We have not invited a man to know and live from his deep heart.

- Wild at Heart, John Eldredge
------------------------------------------

Wow. Anyway it's an amazing book; and in fact one of the best books I've read so far. I think every guy should really pick up the book and learn to see his heart. I loved the Way of the Wild Heart more though, it was his second book, but more precise on the stages of the masculine journey.

And I think I'm beginning to understand why is it that it's so hard for guys to 'rise up' in church. Haha.

I'm been asking alot of that to people around me, and trying to figure it out, but I think this book has provided a huge clue as to why... =)

Okay, I'm going to try to get someone out in the afternoon. NOT going to study.
Bleah.