An encounter

I woke up feeling really crappy again today. It’s already been 3 days like that.
The feeling of rejection. Again.

The feeling that you just aren’t wanted.

Isolation.

So I just started spending time with God, worshipping and just talking to God and crying out to Him.

In all the pain, I just thank God for his comfort.

And I’m only beginning to understand how Jesus must have felt when his closest friends, his family rejected Him.

The feeling just sucks. For me, I don’t talk much to my family, and that’s why I tend to lean on my friend’s acceptance more. And when I don’t find that, I just feel really down.

But God is always there. His presence is always more than enough for me.

Then I realized Jesus even had God’s presence taken from Him at that moment on the cross.

I can’t even begin to imagine that. Without God, without friend, without family, humiliated, shamed but no one to stand with him.

God, I feel lonely. I can’t be a friend to them and a leader at the same time, can I?

God, I don’t have many people to share with; they’re so busy they have their own things to do.


…


I wasn’t really asking God, just pouring my heart out and just crying in His presence.


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Then 45 mins into my QT, he showed me a closed vision.
A vision of gangsters fighting, and his guy taking an knife slash on behalf of his fellow gangster.

A mom, though feeling disgusted that the baby shit in the diapers, still helped him clean up.

The verse ‘scrolled’ through my mind immediately : John 15:13 (Yes, including the Book,chapter and verse) Greater love has no one than this, to lay down your life for your friends. “

Hmmm.. cannot be.. so zhun meh? Sure its John 15:13? Or is it just me imagining?
I pick up my Bible, and took a look.

Oh my. It is that verse. ( I know many might think I memorized it in my head.. Haha but no, I don’t have this verse in memory.=P, all the more revelational)

I knew it was God.

God was trying to show me something.

God, what does it mean?

Laying down my live for my friends? I know I can lay down my life for You, but for my friends?

If I lay down my life for my friends, won’t I be moving away from your calling?

“Greater love has no one than this.”

Greater love… hmm.. God is love… so …

“Perfect fellowship comes when you give your life totally to your friends.”

Uh huh.

“You feel lonely don’t you.”

Oh… yes..

“If you give of yourself fully to your friends, won’t you have fellowship?”

Uh huh! Yes I will, God!

“Jesus came not for His ministry, He came for His people. Your calling is for people, not for any ministry. Don’t forget that.”

God, I understand now. What can I do?

…

Okay, I shall end here. Haha. He showed me some people that I’m supposed to sow into, and I’ll just keep it in my heart. I think not very nice to write here. =P

Giving myself fully to my friends.

Sometimes we can get so caught with getting that job, getting into that calling for God, that we forget, it’s really just about people. We’re growing in ministry for the sake of people.

Sow.