It is.....

FINISHED.

I was so happy that exams was ending that in the middle of Income Tax exam when I was going to the toilet I was already smiliing from ear to ear and hopping around. Haha.
Well it was partly cos I looked at the last few questions and thought it was probably a little tedious but still doable that kind. Ha..

And I tore up my cheat sheet. It's the ritual that I do to tell myself: Throw it out of your brain. It's over. Haha. Of cos there's no literal throw-away. It's still somewhere in the hard drive.

Now....

Dot.

Dot.

Dot.

Now what?

You know you always get that feeling directly after the exams. You spend your life ( literally) mugging for the exams that when it's over, you're happy that its over, but suddenly you are at a loss..

"Now what do I do?"... You stare blankly at the wall.

Haha.

I'm glad it didn't happen this time. Okay, maybe it did. Just for 15 mins. I already had a rough plan for what I was going to do. And I'm writing content for my website even as I blog now.

Hopefully by the end of the year something substantial can come out of this. Ha..

But still need some time to get used to it. It's a little weird NOT to have your school work nagging at the back of your head.

Well, school's out. And I got lots of things to do for the holidays. Next semester I'm just going to do a 2 day week. Hopefully I really can do something this holiday and look back and say:

I'm glad I didn't waste it away.

Ah well. Thinking of something inspirational to write, but nothing at the moment.

Oh well.

Tmr, perhaps.

12.30 am and still doing Corp.

Well, it's getting late; my brain is functioning at 40% probably. Can't do the corp reporting questions anymore.

Anyway though I'm really tired physically, my spirit just got re-ignited again.

I get all motivated and pumped up and ready to take the world! At 1230 am. zzz.

Been reading Xinhong's blog, and honestly, reading his blog always gets me 'pissed'. In the good sense. I get this SUPER holy dissatisfaction of where I am now and how I can do better here and there. *fire*

Then he talk about his sister in Harvest Times ( Now a biannual magazine by our church), which then led me to go and read it. And Yi Lun is really an amazing lady. Reading it, and also from personal account from her brother.*more fire*

Then I remember what I was reading this afternoon on my internet business forums. Then I thought about the founder Ken. He built this business from scratch, and I just get this *roAR-why-can't-I-do-the-same-though-I'm-23? fire* again.

And then I remember God speaking to me about my ministry in Uni-Y this morning. Yeah, though the term hasn't started, but I realized there's alot I have to do. I think about it. I'm not even a cell group leader in the church.

In the least I should match the time and effort commitment of the cell group leaders in the church in my ministry in Uni-Y. Yeah, I say I'm doing something for God in the marketplace, but it's not a position, and I think I'm doing too little now. I can do more.

If the cell leaders can lay down their lives for Jesus in the church, so can I lay down my life in my club so that Jesus can come into the marketplace.

I'm going to make a difference in SMU next year. *more fire*

Guess what: Don't need to sleep liao. 1240 am. Still so on fire. Need to control my thoughts even for my dreams and visions sometimes. Reminder to self: Don't dream too big dreams at night. Can't sleep after that.

---

Anyway, decided to put a new blogskin.

I decide that from after the exams; it'll be a new season in my life.
Next year I want to see Uni-Y taking off to become a powerful influence in SMU, for the good. I just had a great idea to make money for social entreprise in Uni-Y, which is literally a million-dollar-idea.

I got the connections I need from YMCA. Now to think about it: It's really up to me. Am I willing to sacrifice my time, effort to build a social entreprise that will benefit tens and tens of organizations? Might even take a year or so.

Need to count the cost before I start. Big decision.

Side Note:

---

I realized that ALOT of people have great ideas. It's always not the question of ability, it's always the question of commitment.

---

And also to see my Internet business take off. I really wanna become an expert both in the field i'm writing in, and also in the Internet. After all, the Internet is the future. The demand for people who know internet stuff is only going to rise in the future.

Good trend to ride on, I guess.

But greatest obstacle: Laziness. I can't believe I wanna be an entrepreneur when I'm so unfocus-ed. I can get easily distracted by things like facebook, Blog-surfing, things lying around the table when I'm bored with work.

I hope it's just school work that's like that. Such di-focus is only going to lead me to failure. Bah.

Crap. Focus. Focus.

I'm so going to succeed, make a difference in the world, and kick the devil's butt. *Roar*

Muggerish

Well,

I presume everyone in SMU, NUS, NTU have been mugging hard.

It's that time of the year again!

But thank God. 1/2 of the year's work is done! Haha

And I made sure next semester I'll do all the mods I'm more interested in. And have only 2 exams. Well I guess that means exam mugging will be coming up next time this year only.

Muahahaha.

Anyway I just received a mail from a friend from exchange.

Hi Yihan!

Good Luck for your exam! Stay focused for the period and have a good rest!

Yup, I hope to see u getting the best results for your efforts.. Thanks for inspiring me!

Cheers,
xxx

I was like... hmm... he's been on exchange for 4 months already. How to inspire him? Haha.
But xxx, thanks for the encouraging email anyway! =)

Glory to God.

2 years ago I was anything but an inspiration to anyone. I can't imagine anyone actually getting inspired by me. lol. Ha..

But God changes lives. Yours too ;)

Praise the Lord.

Anyway, back to Corporate Reporting. Slightly behind time. =PP

Just had dinner

at the National Philantropic Awards.

I got called up by Weixin from YMCA to go for this dinner on Wednesday only at Marina Mandarin cos they got empty seat. Ha..

Actually didn't feel like going, but well, got free nice dinner so go loh.

Wah. And only realized its such a high profile event.

President S R Nathan was the guest of honour. And Vivian Balakrisnam also there. By the way his wife is very pretty. Haha.

Elim Chew, Pastor Lawrence Khong ( Senior Pastor of FCBC)... first time i see him in person, Kit Chan.

And I was sitting on the same table with all the YMCA directors. Wah scarey man. All the uncles.HAHA. Then got President Emertius of YMCA, Dr Loh at my table too. Good thing they all nice people and can chat one. Haha.

And luckily also got May Anne and Weiguang. People whom you can talk about how you're screwed with studies and how you have so much work to do. Haha.

I met May Anne the first time during Freshmen Orientation Camp, and then during the Uni-Y@NUS welcome tea, and then today, then found out she was Leonard, my cell group member's good friend. She's a really chatty person, so well, wasn't hard to break the ice.


But thank God. At least don't have to act all classy and stuff in front of them. Haha.

But on a more serious note. It's really great to see that there's really alot of people out there who have a heart to serve and to give back to society.

I wanna do something more too. Like the corporations who give. The churches who give. The people who give.

And well, seriously I can imagine myself, going for all these corporate functions and acting all classy and stuff, exchanging name cards. I don't really fancy it actually. I was thinking," Wow, I think after a while you really just get jaded with all these. All the award giving. Standing up for guest of honours."

I wonder how many times the President has to do this. And He's the guest of honour at EVERY occasion. So must go up and give prize. Quite sian to think about it. Imagine spending your nights gracing events and giving out prizes. Haha.

But one thing different is that the people here are not for business la, they're here because of community service. Which actually makes them a whole different bunch of people.

Though I still didn't bring my namecard cos I figured no one would want mine. Even if they took it they probably chuck it somewhere. Haha.

Nonetheless, this interesting night has really shown me what Singapore is doing on the community service front and really.. the possibilities are endless.=)

On the bus back ( randomly organized thoughts)

On Tuesday 12 pm and blogging.

I got a class later at 5 pm ,but I figured I should go home because I never have a productive time in school anyway.

I just got back my FIIM mid terms. I got 32.75, which is probably is second highest in class, behind Vince. ( Prof said highest was 32, but prob made a mistake)

Set me thinking.

Am I really that good in finance? I didn’t even really study for it, but I seem to be able to grasp the concepts pretty fast. I don’t read the Financial Times like the people in class do. Everyday they seem to pick up that almost unreadable newspaper and read it.

But my heart is not in fiancé. I may be good at it. But my heart’s not here. They say the best way to figure out your passion, or calling is to observe yourself in your free time. What do you do on your free time that could possibly be ‘monetized’?

Well I find it exciting to actually read on entrepreneurial strategies, marketing strategies for small business. I read everyday on these things. I buy those books.

I guess you could say I got a head for Finance but a heart of an entrepreneur.

I was thinking that being an entrepreneur is very much like being a Christian.

There’s no rest day for you. There’s no such thing as taking a break from your business or from being a Christian. You are either a Christian 24/7 or you’re not. You’re either working on or thinking about your business( esp for start-ups) or you’re screwed.

We can’t approach entrepreneurial business with a 8-5 and rest on weekends mindset. We can’t think to ourselves that we have ‘arrived’. If the business ever stops improving, it’s only a matter of time that it gets taken out by competitors.

Maybe that’s why I wanna become an entrepreneur instead of going into the finance world. It’s more exciting and risky to be an entrepreneur. There’s more passion in your life. More thrill.

I figured, seriously speaking, I can live on less than 300 bucks a month. So why worry about putting food on the table now. I think can leave that concern till after marriage, house, car and kids.

I think I’m too young to go into the corporate world. I don’t feel I’m made for it. I can’t imagine myself doing something 8-5 ( or more in the banking industry which everyone seems to want to go into in SMU). Especially if it’s anything to do with valuation, discounting cashflows, and things which I think are a little well… no value add to a society in general.

I know I might cause a small debate here, but really what kind of true value do we give to society in our financial analysis? I look at our financial analyst report for our Corp Reporting Project. It’s purpose is to tell rich people where they can park their money. And where did we get our assumptions and final valuation of the stock? From other financial analyst reports. Abit duh. Our assumptions are tuned in such a way that it gives the stock a ‘nice uncontroversial’ value. Meaning people won’t go and argue about it being too high or too low, but just take it as it is. But back to the point.

I ask myself: What kind of value do I really create if I were a financial analyst? Is someone’s life going to be better because of my existence? Am I an asset to someone? Well maybe a rich individual who wants to know if he can get 12% or 10% on his million.

But then again, if it were a certainty, I would have created a value to him. But the thing is financial analyst reports are NEVER accurate. The markets are really unpredictable.

So what I am creating in society? Well given the fact that the banking industry is not just made up of financial analyst. But still,…

I want to be someone to creates value. The whole financial market is really a ‘derivative’ market in the sense that it builds upon businesses. Without businesses, the financial markets won’t exist. Okay, maybe the foreign exchange markets can still exist, but even the currencies’ value are built upon businesses in the country.

I’m not too well versed on the financial terms to say this, but I find being in the business realm to be more interesting than the financial market realm. Granted, the financial markets exist because there’s trillions to be made daily, but I would rather be a person that builds that value, who builds that company..

Than the person who trades, invests, bets on that company.

To the society in general, I believe that a person with the ability to build a business from the ground up is more valuable than one who say, knows how to trade money and make profits from it.

Well. So in summary…

I just want to justify my change from a Finance Major which EVERYONE is going into, to a Management Major.

Sure. No 6000 dollar job from bank. But would I sell the opportunity cost to live my life to the fullest, my time for God every night, my ministry in church, the fulfillment of knowing that I’m doing what I love EVERYDAY of my life, for even $20,000 a month.
Nah.

Money comes and goes.

Time runs out.

Carola: Invincible

Carola from Sweden visited our church today and performed. Wow, her voice is just AMAZING. So power..



For those who don't know who she is.. maybe you'll know the songs she sang. Haha.



'oh Micky you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind...'



And..



'I believe, I believe in love, and like the stars above

They shine, let it shine over me'



She sang this song called Invincible. Check her out. She's just.. WOW!' She was like holding the mic quite a distance from her mouth, but the voice over the speaker was still like more powerful than most people! Haha.

Never gonna run away
I’m not gonna hide
I know just what I feel inside
Nothing’s gonna make a change
Forever with you
I’m always on your side
You’re always on my mind

Invincible
One love supreme
Unbreakable
One land of dreams
Two hearts unite
Insatiable
This love tonight
Invincible

Love is like a miracle
Invading your heart
When you’re struck, you know are
When it’s comin’ over you
You won’t let it go
I’m always on your side
You’re always on my mind

Invincible
One love supreme
Unbreakable
One land of dreams
Two hearts unite
Insatiable
This love tonight
Invincible
I’m always on your side
You’re always on my mind

Bought her single on this song.

Haha. Couldn't get her autograph and a picture cos was helping out at the bookstore, but got a friend to help out. She really took her time to get to know each person she autographed for: chatted them up and stuff. Really nice of her.


Most importantly. She loves God. And she says. GO Bible school! Haha...
( She was in Bible School under Pastor Ulf for two years.)

This is interesting.

BG George Yeo, the Minister of Foreign Affairs with all the VIPs is 5 metres from me with so many people crowding around him; ( Channel NewsAsia too.. )

He just finished a forum. And I'm at my seat here doing my own stuff.

Like he's invisible. Haha.

Reality: The Limiter of Life

Pastor preached a great message on this a month back or so. I thought it was a superb message and recently during lunch time, I got a greater revelation about it:

I was eating lunch with Sharon, Lynette and Wenting( I don't usually eat lunch with them) and then it suddenly hit me:

Our reality is really determined by the people around us.

When I was doing my business stuff. I was in the forums and I realized that I was measuring what was possible by what people had done. What was a reasonable time to successfully do up one. How successful the business model can be based on the people who had 'done' it.

But I took a step back. And during prayer, I felt God put it in my heart: Why am I measuring reality based on what people had done?

I'm sure we've all heard the sayings:

Birds of a feather flock together.

If you want to fly with the eagles, don't hang out with the turkeys.

Psalms 1:1
Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;

In SMU, there's a culture that says:

Finance is the way to go. It's where the money is.

Your value as a person is determined by your GPA.

It's not something said out in the open, but yet in between the lines of every thing said.

It is only recently that I decided to step back and spend more time with God. Suddenly it really hit me.

Who said that?

Who said that finance is the way to go for career success?

Who said that your value to society is determined by GPA?

And for that matter...

Who said you couldn't be a millionaire by 30? by 25 for that matter?

Who said you can't be Nobel Prize Winner by age 30? ( For that person . Haha You know who you are)

Who said you can't be a real history maker like Pst Kong, Pst Yonggi Cho, Mother Theresa, Henry Ford, Warren Buffet or Bill Gates?

Who said that?

It is when we look at the world then we make a gauge on what is acceptable and what is reasonable, and what is impossible.

Since only one or two has done it, therefore, it is reasonable to say I won't be able to do it.

BUT when we look to God in prayer, I ask myself... really, what is impossible?

Recently when I withdrew myself from school, from mixing around with people and spent more time with God. I realized, there's only one voice we should really listen to:

The still small voice, above the noise.

We got to spend more time with God. The visions He gives us are even beyond our dreams. Beyond what we consider possible.

Is there such a word 'reality' in His vocabulary?

And too, watch carefully the people we spend most of our time with. The undertones of 'reality' spoken between the lines of every sentence. That's the power of culture. And the power of DOING culture. DEFINING culture.

They define 'reality' for you.

What is your reality?

Real Honest Thoughts

I was walking home just now alone after a marketing meeting.

The Christian life isn't easy.

It's impossible without God.

I get a 360 degree mood swing if I don't pray.

As Christians, our fight starts from the time we wake up, till the time we sleep. I fight. From the morning till the night. In the realm of thoughts especially.

In a world where everything is screaming at you. Your friends around you challenge your stand on truth. You are tempted to take short-cuts in your work by compromising on your integrity.
The amount of sex, violence, gossip, revenge you watch on TV doesn't help.

Our input determines our output. Whatever goes into our mind, will make us or break us. When we start our day, everything in the world screams at you to give up on your values to God.

Why are you putting up with her? Just do it your own way.

Why are you wasting your time? Just fake your information and you'll save alot of time.

Nobody cares about you. Don't bother trying to be nice. Just do your own thing.

Do FINANCE! It pays well. You'll get 5000 bucks at least a month working in a bank. It's okay you don't really like it. It's the pay that counts.

And when I get home...

Sis says: Ma give us 12 dollars for our dinner. She ask you to go and eat the leftovers.

Go and scream at her! How can she be so uncaring. Can't she see I'm so thin already?

...

Don't pray tonight. You're so tired. Just go and rest. Just sleep. You can do it tomorrow morning.

But the voice of God speaks through in a still small voice every time.

No. Yihan. Flow. My perfect will for you is to be under cover. It doesn't matter you're not getting anything to do. Just flow. That is My will for you.

No. The truth is more valuable than anything else. Don't give it up for anything.

Yihan. I know you're busy. Learn to love. This is where you are really tested. Do you really love people? Love them, as I have loved you.

Yihan. Do something you love. Don't chase the money like everyone else. The topics on entrepreneurship and SME consulting spark something inside you, don't they? Go and do it. Don't follow the crowd.

Love your mother. Be nice. Don't take it to heart...

Yihan, come to me and stay with Me for one hour. Pray. Stay in My presence, and your strength will renew.

--------

The Christian walk is not an easy walk just based on this. In a night alone I can get so many thoughts running through my head. And as Christians, we fight not in the natural, but in the spiritual.

We measure every single thought against the Word of God. We know whether our thoughts are pleasing to God when we know His character.

We spend 4% of our week in church. The real battle is not in church. It's outside of it. You can act so holy in church, but behave like a total spoilt brat outside. Serve in church, and asked to be served outside the church. What's the point? What's this Christian face we put up when we can't live it 24/7?

Integrity. You are one outside, and inside.

The battlefield of the mind, as Joyce Meyer calls it. The fight's 24/7. It's not only on Sunday. It's not even on Sunday. It's Monday to Saturday, where everything that is evil, immoral, lewd that screams out at you. That's where the battle is.

By the time you're done with everything, you'll find you're so tired you have no energy to pray.
Guess what, the devil got you for that night.

Speak to it.

Fight back.

24/7. It's not going to end.

That's why we need God. Without God, this kind of battle is impossible to fight. We need the Holy Spirit. Without Him, we become thankless. We become self-righteous. We become judgemental. We forget that Jesus died for the whole world. Not for the Christians only.

That's why I can't go without prayer. I'll lose.

As we grow in God, so does the Devil stand in opposition against us. He distracts us and cuts us away from our Source. That's when he can tear us apart.

-----

That's why I know SOT is such an easy time. Sure, we're tired. But we've got the advantage of godly people around us. We've got the advantage of positive peer pressure. Everyone's doing it. I can do it too.

The real battle is not in SOT.

It's out here.

----

You know. As we grow in God, we find less people we can confide in. Not many people understand and can give the right counsel. Not many people are strong enough to value truth of God above the friendship. Who will tell you things as they are. Who will screw you when you're the one at fault. Who won't try to agree with you. Who won't give advice contrary to God's Word. Who understands your heart. Not many. Few. And fewer. And fewer.

Where can we turn to?

God.
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It's 1am now. I haven't prayed for today. I feel so lousy I don't feel like.

But no. The devil is not winning today.

Today, I win.

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No more.

No more procrastination.

It's time.