Why haven't I blogged for so long?

Honestly, I really don't know.

It's kinda of a seasonal thing. It happens to alot of people; I see alot of my friend's blogs rise and fall in inverse proportion to the time in their hands.

We might really think it's alright, but sometimes blogging is a sign that we are indeed reflecting on our lives constantly. If we've been blogging for a while, and suddenly stop, is it because we want privacy, or have we really lost that time where we did use to reflect?

I was reading Rachel Ma's (www.clamchowderbistro.blogspot.com) blog and I really love her style of writing. I really learnt alot about her during our long trips on the bus in Beijing; just talking about everything under the sun, well, and mostly above. (God. Haha) She's got a really poetic heart and is something I would love to get too.

Poets are spiritual people. To see beauty in life and to put it out in words; that's wonderful. Honestly I don't see much poetic people around. People who can write beautifully; well of course language plays a part; I kinda suck at English (C5) so my poems can't match Rachel's for nuts. But of course, I make an attempt anyway. Haha.

Anyway I digress.

I realized that the reason for not blogging is really a kinda of a dis-orientation. Ever since I got back from Beijing; I just didn't feel like blogging. I do write for my weekly newsletter in Uni-Y: weekly reflections of sorts, but not really the personal kind.

And indeed, it's not that I haven't pondered for a long time; I have. I take walks about 3-4 times at night; just a round around my estate just to enjoy the night breeze and talk to God.

Rachel made a post about a comment I made to her in Beijing, which I thought great to talk more on; How we view God will determine the way we approach Him. Yes indeed, it's beyond prayer, and it's beyond the head knowledge.

Yeah, we all know God is our provider, our shelter, refuge, holy, righteous, loving and all that. But has it gotten into our hearts? When we're in trouble, is our first reaction running to God? Or is our first instinct to another source, alcohol, TV, computer games, someone else?

If it's not God, no, don't blame yourself for taking the wrong action. It's the right thing to do, yes, but you must ask yourself this," How do I see God in my life?"

How we view God will determine the way we approach Him.

Sometimes we don't approach Him because we don't really believe in our hearts that He cares. Now that's important for us to spot. This is called practical agnosticism. We claim to know the loving God, but our hearts think otherwise.

Sometimes it's because we've been hurt from young by apathetic parents; especially in Asian countries. We grew up having our hearts neglected; Results! As and Bs are more important. Face is more important. It's more important that you do well than your overachieving cousin than what you like. What you like don't matter.

These are the kinds of messages we get from young that hinder our approach to God. We subconsciously believe God is like our earthly Father, and that's why we only apporach Him for the 'important' things.

No friends, your heart is the most important thing. Your heart is important to Him.

It's not a matter of right and wrong, but more a question of how we really see God. That's why we need to be true to our hearts. We really need to know this. If we only know how to do the 'right' thing, then we will never see that about ourselves.

Ask God to reveal Himself as Loving Father to you. Ask Him to show you He cares.

You don't become more spiritual by becoming more religiously correct. Or by knowing the Greek and the Hebrew of every word in the Bible. We become more spiritual and when become more in tune with our hearts; we're able to discern the voice of God much better than otherwise.

God loves you. And me. And you betta believe it! He cares. (I'm beginning to question myself, do I really think He cares.)