Apologies

Apologies for not writing for so long, it's just that I have found a new love in spending my time being silent in the garden, sometimes reading, sometimes just waiting.

I've been penning down my deepest thoughts in paper instead, I find it more of a release than actually writing them in the public cyberspace.

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I just read Xiaohui's blog about the book "God is not great". Haha, and that kick in that stomach. I can so identify with it. Oh, when I first started out as a Christian, the first book that kicked me in the stomach was the Gospel of Judas.

It's been a long time since. Now I look at these books and just give a knowing smile.

Because I know one thing, God cannot be explained away. He just simply can't. How do you explain away someone whom you've been with for the past 2 years, having a loving relationship with? You use a retina structure? C'mon... You got to do better than that.

God is real. And He is real to those who have chosen to seek Him, because they found. And that's what God promises, if you want to seek Me, you will find Me.

No, it's not the 'if you think it true, then it is true' bull. Nope.

God is so elusive, those who have never found Him will spend their life trying to explain Him in , or explain Him out. None succeed.

God is known by our hearts, not our minds. We know God exists because we know. I like to use what Aaragon said to Gandalf, in the Lord of the Rings.

" What does your heart tell you?"

Listen.

Be still.

Ask your heart. Your mind will never comprehend Him. Never. Maybe on that day when we are perfected, we might. But not today.

As you stood before, in the face of an awesome sight.

The orange glowing morning sun, rising in the distant land, where the heavens meet the earth. The warm morning breeze that brushes against your cheeks. You close your eyes. You are captivated.

You are held by an unseen glory that holds your heart captive.

You feel your heart wrench, the sight stirs up a longing in your heart.

The Ageless Romancer is wooing your heart, romancing your heart. He stirs this longing for a life eternal. A life that is beyond the everyday rushing to work, the everyday striving for success. The longing, for Eden.

For Home.

There is something in our hearts that tells us, as we stare into the sunset, no, we are not home.

Even at a young age, I find myself being woo-ed, being romanced by this beauty. I would stare into the trees in faraway places. Into the mountains far far away. It seemed somehow...

I would sigh.

I didn't know why.

I didn't know. I was being romanced by the Ageless Romancer.

And so I grew up. But the search for Heaven never ends. Some of us, we think we might find Heaven in that million dollars. Some of us, we think Heaven is in finding that romance. For me, Heaven is going away from Singapore into some remote regions of Europe in the mountains, start a farm and settle down with your family and live there till the day we die.

But we never find it. Our search alone exposes the answer. We are not home. We are not home. For that purpose, The Romancer has placed eternity in our hearts, so that we will find our way Home.

Yes. Home.

I imagine my home, basked in the orange glow of the morning sun. As I step into the front door, a little girl comes and embraces me. And as I step into the kitchen, a lady smiles with perfect radiant white teeth, eyes filled with joy at my return. She is working on the dinner we're going to feast on tonight.

I turn around. I'm surprised to see that the orange glow is emitted not by the sun, but by something beyond the lush green hills. I take a walk through the trees, their flowers in full blossom, arrayed in perfect colour. The leafs sway in the gentle breeze, reflecting the warm embrace of the orange glow. The first drop of morning dew falls from the leaf, disappearing into the grass underfoot.

There is a peace. A warmth.

I walk toward the hills, wanting to see what laid beyond. I take a slow walk up its gentle slope, and behold...

The Temple of Jerusalem.

A temple of gold, diamonds, of the most precious gems man has ever seen. Radiating such light that the whole of the heavens are lit. Such a beautiful orange glow that is not piercing, but mild yet lighting all of Heaven.

There is a Presence within the Temple.

An undeniable presence.

His house.

And your heart tells you: You are Home.

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You don't have to rationalize it.

Listen carefully to your heart.

Just listen.

What does it tell you?

Just wait.

And listen.

You'll have your answer.

And so, God and Heaven don't exist because you believe you got a better idea for a retina?

Try harder.

Listen.

What does your heart tell you?