It's that time of the year again.
Once again, been a while since I blogged, but I've really been busy since my Beijing trip. After my Beijing Trip I had to prepare for my presentation on the 20 Dec; it's a great module but it took away 20 days of my winter break.
But I guess the trip made it worthwhile.
Anyways. I think I really love my cell group. Though my new cell group didn't really open up to me immediately when I joined them, but I can see the cell group is really very close knit. They meet up like 3 or 4 times a week, either for svc, cg, movies, exercise and what not.
Amazing.
On that note, my cell group people are really very physically active; they go soccer, running, cycling, and everything. Haha. It's great cos it helps me start exercising more! Woohoo.
And we're all going for the sundown Marathon in May next year so we're really going to train hard for it. I couldn't say no cos my female cell members are going! Haha.
We just had an Xmas countdown the night before, causing me to be late for service today. Haha. Thank God for the car. Took me 45 mins from getting awake to sitting in the service, while fetching a friend from Eunos.
And speaking of which, I've been driving alot nowadays. Just passed about 1 month back, but I've driven so much, almost everyday that I think I'm getting alot of good practice, tho breaking lots of traffic rules on the way. So yeah.
Now I'm available for suppers! Woohoo! Anywhere!
And yeap, it's almost time for a new beginning in 2009. 2008 has been quite a year for me. I think most important, a year of finding myself. My identity in God as His child. Knowing more and more that He loves me; and living in that security.
Looking at the start, it began in the year with a simple talk with a friend about r'ships. That time both of us being confused and a little uncertain. Things have really changed. =)
2009 will be even better =)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Renounce the Agreements You've Made
Your wounds brought messages with them. Lots of messages. Somehow they all usually land in the same place. They had a similar theme. “You’re worthless.” “You’re not a woman.” “You’re too much…and not enough.” “You’re a disappointment.” “You are repulsive.” On and on they go. Because they were delivered with such pain, they felt true. They pierced our hearts, and they seemed so true. So we accepted the message as fact. We embraced it as the verdict on us.
The vows we made as children act like a deep-seated agreement with the message of our wounds. They act like an agreement with the verdict on us. “Fine. If that’s how it is, then that’s how it is. I’ll live my life in the following way….” The vows we made acted like a kind of covenant with them. Those childhood vows are very dangerous things. We must renounce them. Before we are entirely convinced that they aren’t true, we reject the message of our wounds. It’s a way of unlocking the door to Jesus. Agreements lock the door from the inside. Renouncing the agreements unlocks the door to him.
(Captivating , 100-101)
The vows we made as children act like a deep-seated agreement with the message of our wounds. They act like an agreement with the verdict on us. “Fine. If that’s how it is, then that’s how it is. I’ll live my life in the following way….” The vows we made acted like a kind of covenant with them. Those childhood vows are very dangerous things. We must renounce them. Before we are entirely convinced that they aren’t true, we reject the message of our wounds. It’s a way of unlocking the door to Jesus. Agreements lock the door from the inside. Renouncing the agreements unlocks the door to him.
(Captivating , 100-101)
Friday, December 5, 2008
Fatherless
You are the son of a kind, strong, and engaged Father, a Father wise enough to guide you in the Way, generous enough to provide for your journey, offering to walk with you every step.
This is perhaps the hardest thing for us to believe—really believe, down deep in our hearts, so that it changes us forever, changes the way we approach each day.
I believe this is the core issue of our shared dilemma. We just don’t believe it. Our core assumptions about the world boil down to this: We are on our own to make life work. We are not watched over. We are not cared for. When we are hit with a problem, we have to figure it out ourselves, or just take the hit. If anything good is going to come our way, we’re the ones who are going to have to arrange for it. Many of us have called upon God as Father, but, frankly, he doesn’t seem to have heard. We’re not sure why. Maybe we didn’t do it right. Maybe he’s about more important matters. Whatever the reason, our experience of this world has framed our approach to life. We believe we are fatherless.
Whatever life has taught us, and though we may not have put it into these exact words, we feel that we are alone. Simply look at the way men live. If I were to give an honest assessment of my life for the past thirty years, I’d have to confess the bulk of it as Striving and Indulging. Pushing myself hard to excel, taking on the battles that come to me with determination but also with a fear-based drivenness, believing deep down inside that there is no one I can trust to come through for me. Striving. And then, arranging for little pleasures along the way to help ease the pain of the drivenness and loneliness. Dinners out, adventure gear. Indulging. A fatherless way to live.
(The Way of The Wild Heart , 22-24)
This is perhaps the hardest thing for us to believe—really believe, down deep in our hearts, so that it changes us forever, changes the way we approach each day.
I believe this is the core issue of our shared dilemma. We just don’t believe it. Our core assumptions about the world boil down to this: We are on our own to make life work. We are not watched over. We are not cared for. When we are hit with a problem, we have to figure it out ourselves, or just take the hit. If anything good is going to come our way, we’re the ones who are going to have to arrange for it. Many of us have called upon God as Father, but, frankly, he doesn’t seem to have heard. We’re not sure why. Maybe we didn’t do it right. Maybe he’s about more important matters. Whatever the reason, our experience of this world has framed our approach to life. We believe we are fatherless.
Whatever life has taught us, and though we may not have put it into these exact words, we feel that we are alone. Simply look at the way men live. If I were to give an honest assessment of my life for the past thirty years, I’d have to confess the bulk of it as Striving and Indulging. Pushing myself hard to excel, taking on the battles that come to me with determination but also with a fear-based drivenness, believing deep down inside that there is no one I can trust to come through for me. Striving. And then, arranging for little pleasures along the way to help ease the pain of the drivenness and loneliness. Dinners out, adventure gear. Indulging. A fatherless way to live.
(The Way of The Wild Heart , 22-24)
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Return to Paradise
"Paradise."
My heart spoke as I observed the trees of the winter as the plane touched down in Beijing.
Not a very 'paradise' place, no doubt, but yet there's just this feeling 'you might find it here.' when you travel to a totally new locations alien to your home.
We spend our lives searching for Paradise. That's why some people travel so much; and never want to come back to work. Not that they found paradise, but they found something looking like it.
It's the tinge of the immense beauty of True Paradise.
Good news is that, there is a Paradise. I think one thing CS Lewis pointed out really well was that, our heart often gives us an answer.
If a man was hungry for food i.e. he desired for food, we can automatically conclude that food actually exists. That man was in a state where he wasn't hungry before.
Like in the movie Water World, the whole earth was covered by waters; but there was a man who kept searching and searching for land. He knew that the feet was never made for swimming, and therefore concluded that land did exist. And he spent his life searching for that precious piece of land. (turns out the whole earth was flooded and a large part of earth was covered by water)
Where is the evidence of Paradise? In our heart of hearts.
I was watching the Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor this afternoon. Characters good and bad both searching for eternal life at Shangri-La.
It seems to permeate all cultures and religions; there's always a notion of a Shangri-La, of heaven.
The truth is: we're homesick. Since Adam and Eve were banished from their Paradise in Eden, our hearts have been aching to go back since.
When we observe a beautiful sunset, majestic mountains, beautiful trees of the forest, our hearts ache. It aches because deep down in our hearts, we know we had left our true Home a long long time ago, and all that glimpses of eternity is reminding us of that.
You know its there, not because someone proved it with a scientific formula. It's because your heart tells you so.
Bad news? It doesn't exist on earth, not today. There's no hidden evergreen valley called Shangri-La in the deep mountains of Himalayas. We will only find it when our Father calls us Home.
My heart spoke as I observed the trees of the winter as the plane touched down in Beijing.
Not a very 'paradise' place, no doubt, but yet there's just this feeling 'you might find it here.' when you travel to a totally new locations alien to your home.
We spend our lives searching for Paradise. That's why some people travel so much; and never want to come back to work. Not that they found paradise, but they found something looking like it.
It's the tinge of the immense beauty of True Paradise.
Good news is that, there is a Paradise. I think one thing CS Lewis pointed out really well was that, our heart often gives us an answer.
If a man was hungry for food i.e. he desired for food, we can automatically conclude that food actually exists. That man was in a state where he wasn't hungry before.
Like in the movie Water World, the whole earth was covered by waters; but there was a man who kept searching and searching for land. He knew that the feet was never made for swimming, and therefore concluded that land did exist. And he spent his life searching for that precious piece of land. (turns out the whole earth was flooded and a large part of earth was covered by water)
Where is the evidence of Paradise? In our heart of hearts.
I was watching the Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor this afternoon. Characters good and bad both searching for eternal life at Shangri-La.
It seems to permeate all cultures and religions; there's always a notion of a Shangri-La, of heaven.
The truth is: we're homesick. Since Adam and Eve were banished from their Paradise in Eden, our hearts have been aching to go back since.
When we observe a beautiful sunset, majestic mountains, beautiful trees of the forest, our hearts ache. It aches because deep down in our hearts, we know we had left our true Home a long long time ago, and all that glimpses of eternity is reminding us of that.
You know its there, not because someone proved it with a scientific formula. It's because your heart tells you so.
Bad news? It doesn't exist on earth, not today. There's no hidden evergreen valley called Shangri-La in the deep mountains of Himalayas. We will only find it when our Father calls us Home.
Monday, November 24, 2008
As A Bridegroom Rejoices Over His Bride
This week is exam week so really have little time to blog. Here's some good reads! =))
------
The Scriptures employ a wide scale of metaphors to capture the many facets of our relationship with God. If you consider them in a sort of ascending order, there is a noticeable and breathtaking progression. Down near the bottom of the totem pole we are the clay and he the Potter.
Moving up a notch, we are the sheep and he the Shepherd, which is a little better position on the food chain but hardly flattering; sheep don’t have a reputation as the most graceful and intelligent creatures in the world. Moving upward, we are the servants of the Master, which at least lets us into the house, even if we have to wipe our feet, watch our manners, and not talk too much.
Most Christians never get past this point, but the ladder of metaphors is about to make a swift ascent. God also calls us his children and himself our heavenly Father, which brings us into the possibility of real intimacy—love is not one of the things a vase and its cr aftsman share together, nor does a sheep truly know the heart of the shepherd, though it may enjoy the fruits of his kindness.
Still, there is something missing even in the best parent-child relationship. Friendship levels the playing field in a way family never can, at least not until the kids have grown and left the house. Friendship opens a level of communion that a five-year-old doesn’t know with his mother and father. And “friends” are what he calls us.
But there is still a higher and deeper level of intimacy and partnership awaiting us at the top of this metaphorical ascent. We are lovers. The courtship that began with a honeymoon in the Garden culminates in the wedding feast of the Lamb. “I will take delight in you,” he says to us, “as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will I rejoice over you.”
(The Sacred Romance , 96, 97)
------
The Scriptures employ a wide scale of metaphors to capture the many facets of our relationship with God. If you consider them in a sort of ascending order, there is a noticeable and breathtaking progression. Down near the bottom of the totem pole we are the clay and he the Potter.
Moving up a notch, we are the sheep and he the Shepherd, which is a little better position on the food chain but hardly flattering; sheep don’t have a reputation as the most graceful and intelligent creatures in the world. Moving upward, we are the servants of the Master, which at least lets us into the house, even if we have to wipe our feet, watch our manners, and not talk too much.
Most Christians never get past this point, but the ladder of metaphors is about to make a swift ascent. God also calls us his children and himself our heavenly Father, which brings us into the possibility of real intimacy—love is not one of the things a vase and its cr aftsman share together, nor does a sheep truly know the heart of the shepherd, though it may enjoy the fruits of his kindness.
Still, there is something missing even in the best parent-child relationship. Friendship levels the playing field in a way family never can, at least not until the kids have grown and left the house. Friendship opens a level of communion that a five-year-old doesn’t know with his mother and father. And “friends” are what he calls us.
But there is still a higher and deeper level of intimacy and partnership awaiting us at the top of this metaphorical ascent. We are lovers. The courtship that began with a honeymoon in the Garden culminates in the wedding feast of the Lamb. “I will take delight in you,” he says to us, “as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will I rejoice over you.”
(The Sacred Romance , 96, 97)
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I'm on TV!
Haha not really. This video was shown in the National Volunteerism and Philanthropy Awards; YMCA won the Best Non-Profit Organisation award and they asked me for a short interview and sharing of my experiences. Haha.
Okay only like 20 seconds.
Okay only like 20 seconds.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
NTU Convocation Address by Adrian Tan
Life and How to Survive It
I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It's a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.
My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.
On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.
Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.
And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you've already won her heart, you don't need to win every argument.
Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.
The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You're done learning.
You've probably been told the big lie that "Learning is a lifelong process" and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters' degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don't you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.
The good news is that they're wrong.
The bad news is that you don't need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You're in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.
I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I'm here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.
You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There's very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.
Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.
So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you'll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.
Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they're 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn't meet their life expectancy.
I'm here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.
After all, it's calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.
Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.
That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.
If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don't need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.
What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.
Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.
What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.
Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.
The most important is this: do not work.
Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.
Work kills. The Japanese have a term "Karoshi", which means death from overwork. That's the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.
There's a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are "making a living". No, they're not. They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.
People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.
Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.
Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.
I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn't do that, I would've been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction ?C probably a sports journalist.
So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don't imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I'll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.
Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don't, you are working.
Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I'm not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.
In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.
I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truthr. I now say this to you: be hated.
It's not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.
One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it's often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one's own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.
The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.
I didn't say "be loved". That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.
Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work ?C the only kind of work that I find palatable.
Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.
Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.
You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.
Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.
Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.
You're going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there's no life expectancy.
I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It's a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.
My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.
On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.
Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.
And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you've already won her heart, you don't need to win every argument.
Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.
The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You're done learning.
You've probably been told the big lie that "Learning is a lifelong process" and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters' degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don't you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.
The good news is that they're wrong.
The bad news is that you don't need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You're in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.
I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I'm here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.
You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There's very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.
Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.
So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you'll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.
Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they're 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn't meet their life expectancy.
I'm here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.
After all, it's calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.
Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.
That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.
If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don't need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.
What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.
Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.
What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.
Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.
The most important is this: do not work.
Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.
Work kills. The Japanese have a term "Karoshi", which means death from overwork. That's the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.
There's a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are "making a living". No, they're not. They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.
People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.
Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.
Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.
I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn't do that, I would've been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction ?C probably a sports journalist.
So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don't imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I'll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.
Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don't, you are working.
Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I'm not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.
In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.
I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truthr. I now say this to you: be hated.
It's not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.
One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it's often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one's own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.
The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.
I didn't say "be loved". That requires too much compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.
Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work ?C the only kind of work that I find palatable.
Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.
Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.
You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.
Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.
Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.
You're going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there's no life expectancy.
Monday, November 10, 2008
When I grow up...
This is a newsletter post I wrote for my Uni-Y members; seeing that I don't have much time to blog long and good posts; here goes:
I was checking out one of my friend's facebook photo albums this week; and the title of that album was "When I grow up". It was a Halloween party theme where everyone was supposed to dress up as somebody that they wanted to be 'when they grow up.'
Well, as with me who thinks alot; I started wondering, like how many of us actually do think about what we want to be 'when we grow up'?
Do we still dream?
I remember that someone once told me that the size of our dreams are inversely proportional to our age. As we get older, our dreams start getting smaller and smaller.
We give up our heart's desires in a race to become 'marketable' people. People that are 'useful' to the economy. So pretty soon in all the hustle and bustle of life, our dreams begin to get relegated into the deep recesses of our hearts.
"Never mind what I love, I just need my A, just need to make enough for me and my future family."
We'd like to give it all up for the sake of security, and maybe for some, career success.
But it's important to know what we want; we love to hear stories of people that overcome all odds to walk the road they want to; be it dancing, singing, writing, sports in a society where everyone just values academic success. But we only love to hear them because deep in our hearts, we wish our lives would be the same amazing story.
And it can be.
It's always a choice that we make. But it's a tough choice. It means giving up the security that comes with walking to conventional roads. It means taking life off the beaten track. Uncertainity, possibility of failure; stuff like that.
But Hellen Keller once said,
"Life is either a daring adventure, or it is nothing."
and William Wallace from Braveheart said,
" I'm not afraid of death. Every man dies. But it is not every man who lives."
There's only one way to really live; and that's to go after our heart's desires and our dreams with all we've got.
What do you love to do? What can you do for the rest of your life for free?
Like for me, I only recently realized that despite getting C5 for my General Paper in JC, I can actually... write!.
But some part of me wanted to cover that up; I'm thinking, " Nah, it's not marketable, how can I make money from writing. Maybe I have a talent somewhere.. how about marketing? Maybe I'm good at marketing though I suck at accounting."
But now more and more, I'm beginning to appreciate what I have in my hands and I'm really considering how I can use these God-given gifts to their fullest potential. Maybe I'll write a book. Maybe I'll do copywriting for companies. I don't know.
Amidst all the busy-ness of school, remember that no one will take care of your dreams; only you will. You are the only one who will know your dreams, and you are the only one who can protect it.
Life isn't kind to those who want to be different; but it's the price of living out your dreams. You have to fight for it. No one else will fight for you.
So you know, don't stop dreaming. Take time to think about your dreams; let your imagination run!
And let me end off this section with this beautiful song I've heard over 8 years ago; but still filled with meaning nonethless: Don't get lost in the crowd by Ashley Ballard at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1F_6pXY6GZ0 and the lyrics at http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ashleyballard/dontgetlostinthecrowd.html
(forget the video, just listen to the audio. Haha I can't find the audio elsewhere)
Yihan
I was checking out one of my friend's facebook photo albums this week; and the title of that album was "When I grow up". It was a Halloween party theme where everyone was supposed to dress up as somebody that they wanted to be 'when they grow up.'
Well, as with me who thinks alot; I started wondering, like how many of us actually do think about what we want to be 'when we grow up'?
Do we still dream?
I remember that someone once told me that the size of our dreams are inversely proportional to our age. As we get older, our dreams start getting smaller and smaller.
We give up our heart's desires in a race to become 'marketable' people. People that are 'useful' to the economy. So pretty soon in all the hustle and bustle of life, our dreams begin to get relegated into the deep recesses of our hearts.
"Never mind what I love, I just need my A, just need to make enough for me and my future family."
We'd like to give it all up for the sake of security, and maybe for some, career success.
But it's important to know what we want; we love to hear stories of people that overcome all odds to walk the road they want to; be it dancing, singing, writing, sports in a society where everyone just values academic success. But we only love to hear them because deep in our hearts, we wish our lives would be the same amazing story.
And it can be.
It's always a choice that we make. But it's a tough choice. It means giving up the security that comes with walking to conventional roads. It means taking life off the beaten track. Uncertainity, possibility of failure; stuff like that.
But Hellen Keller once said,
"Life is either a daring adventure, or it is nothing."
and William Wallace from Braveheart said,
" I'm not afraid of death. Every man dies. But it is not every man who lives."
There's only one way to really live; and that's to go after our heart's desires and our dreams with all we've got.
What do you love to do? What can you do for the rest of your life for free?
Like for me, I only recently realized that despite getting C5 for my General Paper in JC, I can actually... write!.
But some part of me wanted to cover that up; I'm thinking, " Nah, it's not marketable, how can I make money from writing. Maybe I have a talent somewhere.. how about marketing? Maybe I'm good at marketing though I suck at accounting."
But now more and more, I'm beginning to appreciate what I have in my hands and I'm really considering how I can use these God-given gifts to their fullest potential. Maybe I'll write a book. Maybe I'll do copywriting for companies. I don't know.
Amidst all the busy-ness of school, remember that no one will take care of your dreams; only you will. You are the only one who will know your dreams, and you are the only one who can protect it.
Life isn't kind to those who want to be different; but it's the price of living out your dreams. You have to fight for it. No one else will fight for you.
So you know, don't stop dreaming. Take time to think about your dreams; let your imagination run!
And let me end off this section with this beautiful song I've heard over 8 years ago; but still filled with meaning nonethless: Don't get lost in the crowd by Ashley Ballard at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1F_6pXY6GZ0 and the lyrics at http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ashleyballard/dontgetlostinthecrowd.html
(forget the video, just listen to the audio. Haha I can't find the audio elsewhere)
Yihan
Sunday, November 2, 2008
We Are Not What We Were Meant To Be
John Eldredge is great. Haha. I love his daily readings.
The Evil One lied to us about where true life was found . . . and we believed him.
God gave us the wondrous world as our playground, and he told us to enjoy it fully and freely. Yet despite his extravagant generosity, we had to reach for the one forbidden thing.
And at that moment something in our hearts shifted. We reached, and in our reaching we fell from grace.
So Helen betrayed Menelaus and her native Greece, and ran off to Troy with her lover. So Edmund betrayed his brothers and sisters, and all Narnia, and joined sides with the White Witch. So Cypher betrayed Neo and Morpheus and the last of the free world. So Cora fell into the hands of Magua. So Boromir betrayed the fellowship. So the Titanic struck an iceberg.
Our glory faded, as Milton said, “faded so soon.”
Something has gone wrong with the human race, and we know it. Better said, something has gone wrong within the human race. It doesn’t take a theologian or a psychologist to tell you that. Read a newspaper. Spend a weekend with your relatives. Pay attention to the movements of your own heart in a single day. Most of the misery we suffer on this planet is the fruit of the human heart gone bad. This glorious treasure has been stained, marred, infected. Sin enters the story and spreads like a computer virus.
By the sixth chapter of Genesis, our downward spiral had reached the point where God himself couldn’t bear it any longer.
The LORD saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain. (Genesis 6:5–6)
Any honest person knows this. We know we are not what we were meant to be.
- John Eldredge,(Epic, 55-57)
The Evil One lied to us about where true life was found . . . and we believed him.
God gave us the wondrous world as our playground, and he told us to enjoy it fully and freely. Yet despite his extravagant generosity, we had to reach for the one forbidden thing.
And at that moment something in our hearts shifted. We reached, and in our reaching we fell from grace.
So Helen betrayed Menelaus and her native Greece, and ran off to Troy with her lover. So Edmund betrayed his brothers and sisters, and all Narnia, and joined sides with the White Witch. So Cypher betrayed Neo and Morpheus and the last of the free world. So Cora fell into the hands of Magua. So Boromir betrayed the fellowship. So the Titanic struck an iceberg.
Our glory faded, as Milton said, “faded so soon.”
Something has gone wrong with the human race, and we know it. Better said, something has gone wrong within the human race. It doesn’t take a theologian or a psychologist to tell you that. Read a newspaper. Spend a weekend with your relatives. Pay attention to the movements of your own heart in a single day. Most of the misery we suffer on this planet is the fruit of the human heart gone bad. This glorious treasure has been stained, marred, infected. Sin enters the story and spreads like a computer virus.
By the sixth chapter of Genesis, our downward spiral had reached the point where God himself couldn’t bear it any longer.
The LORD saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain. (Genesis 6:5–6)
Any honest person knows this. We know we are not what we were meant to be.
- John Eldredge,(Epic, 55-57)
Saturday, November 1, 2008
What Would You Do?
So, let me ask again: How would you live differently, if you believed your heart was the treasure of the kingdom?
What does your heart need? In some sense it’s a personal question, unique to our make-up, and what brings us life. For some its music, for others its reading, for others they must garden. Our friend Lori loves the city; I can’t wait to get out of one. Bart reads articles on flying; Cherie loves a good novel. Bethann loves horses and Gary needs time working in the woodshop. You know what makes your heart refreshed, the things that make you come alive. I don’t get the thing with women and baths, but I know that Stasi loves them and finds a little retreat in a fifteen minute tub. “He leads me to soak in still, bubbly waters.” For me and the boys its the dirtier, the happier.
Yet there are some things all hearts need in common. We need beauty; that’s clear enough from the fact that God has filled the world with it, as he has given us sun and rain,
Wine that gladdens the heart of man,
Oil to make his face shine,
And bread that sustains his heart. (Psalm 104:15)
We need to drink in beauty wherever we can get it – in music, in nature, in art, in a great meal shared. These are all gifts to us from God’s generous heart. Friends, those things are not decorations to a life; they are what brings us life.
The skies of blue
The fields of green
Are all for you
The silver moon
The shining sea
All for you
For you, the wind blows
For you, the river flows
And everything you dream about
Even the love you dream of, too,
Is all for you. (John Smith & Lisa Aschman, “All for You”)
I don’t think I could have finished this book if it weren’t for the walks I take each day in the woods. My soul is tired, bone tired. The battle has been long and hard. Last night it began to snow. It is still snowing now. It, too, is a gift to my heart.
-Waking the Dead, John Eldredge
What does your heart need? In some sense it’s a personal question, unique to our make-up, and what brings us life. For some its music, for others its reading, for others they must garden. Our friend Lori loves the city; I can’t wait to get out of one. Bart reads articles on flying; Cherie loves a good novel. Bethann loves horses and Gary needs time working in the woodshop. You know what makes your heart refreshed, the things that make you come alive. I don’t get the thing with women and baths, but I know that Stasi loves them and finds a little retreat in a fifteen minute tub. “He leads me to soak in still, bubbly waters.” For me and the boys its the dirtier, the happier.
Yet there are some things all hearts need in common. We need beauty; that’s clear enough from the fact that God has filled the world with it, as he has given us sun and rain,
Wine that gladdens the heart of man,
Oil to make his face shine,
And bread that sustains his heart. (Psalm 104:15)
We need to drink in beauty wherever we can get it – in music, in nature, in art, in a great meal shared. These are all gifts to us from God’s generous heart. Friends, those things are not decorations to a life; they are what brings us life.
The skies of blue
The fields of green
Are all for you
The silver moon
The shining sea
All for you
For you, the wind blows
For you, the river flows
And everything you dream about
Even the love you dream of, too,
Is all for you. (John Smith & Lisa Aschman, “All for You”)
I don’t think I could have finished this book if it weren’t for the walks I take each day in the woods. My soul is tired, bone tired. The battle has been long and hard. Last night it began to snow. It is still snowing now. It, too, is a gift to my heart.
-Waking the Dead, John Eldredge
Friday, October 24, 2008
Beauty
I'm terribly afraid of beauty;
What it does to my heart.
You know I was thinking as I was heading to my BSM class today, why do people expect so much from their life partners.
Anyway to bring it in context; a church with huge no. of singles and with no seeming intention to get attached.
I remember speaking to a leader about the kind of guy she's looking for, about a year ago. The kind of criteria she gave was .. well.. almost unattainable. She pointed to a pastor that was like 30 plus years old, married with kids.
I was thinking: wow, if you want a husband like that, you might as well wait another 10 years or so; you might just find one.
The thing is, while they like to 'peg their standards' to someone that's a role model in church, they can't expect guys their age to act, behave and be as strong spiritually as their pastors. Totally unreasonable ya, but well, that's the kind of pressure guys can face when wanting to date a church leader.
The kind of unspoken," Why can't you be more like this and this leader. Or this and this pastor?" pressure that's on a guy; any guy.
If you ask me, or any guy for that matter, are we looking for someone to pressure us how we should be better? That's our idea of the 'other half?' Is that our 'dream' beauty that our hearts are looking for?
Anyway, I digress.
Beauty.
Scarey thing God placed on earth yeah.
Sometimes I just wished my heart was dead to such things.
Simone Weil once said," There are only two things that pierce the human heart - beauty and affliction."
And God uses them both to get to our hearts.
Sometimes, to shut ourselves out, we kill our hearts, we kill that thing in our hearts that recognizes beauty when it sees it. Some of us call it holiness. But God made our hearts to recognize, be captured by beauty. It's not holiness to simply shut our hearts down.
But how tempting it is to do so. To be come a superb efficiency and productivity machine that doesn't stop going and going. Society views such people in high regard. Just forget your heart, go for productivity. Conform!
Speaking of which, this is how I feel now with all the work coming in. I'm not one to conform. I make alot of noise when I'm forced to do something I don't want to do it. No it's not called discipline.
While I believe that my discipline level can be worked on, but it's not discipline to force yourself to like and do something you totally have no feel, calling,
Discipline is what helps you achieve your dreams but cutting out unnecessary and useless activities; Discipline is NOT cutting out what you love to do and forcing yourself to like something you hate or feel nothing for.
When you love playing the piano and want to become a noted musician in the world; it's discipline to make yourself practice 5 times a week.
It's not discipline to tell yourself that you should just spend your time getting your As and getting acquianted with accounting.
Perhaps it was my mistake to have chosen accounting in the first place. But with all due respect to accountants and people who love accounting(like Xinhong), I totally hate it. Ha..
I find reading numbers to be a bore. Takes me about 3 minutes to lose my focus.
What a pity it is that most people believe that becoming 'marketeable' is the highest aim of any body.
"Where you going?"
"Finance/Banks."
"Why, cos of money ah."
"Ehhh.. no, because I like numbers."
"No, because I like challenging myself."
I find that hard to believe. Ha. With due respect to those who really love the subject of finance, ultimately its really about getting a good pay-> $$ -> security.
And for the Christian:
Good pay -> $$ -> security in life -> Be 'set' for life -> Less need to lean on God
How about:
Heart -> Passion -> Uncertain $$ -> No natural security -> Uncertain future -> Need to lean on God
Sometimes we think that we're 'trusting' God. And most people live a life thinking that they've been trusting God ( God, Banks or Big 4? lead me as to which one you want me to go)
What do you want?
I want to go bank.
Nono, what do you really want?
I er...
You know sometimes we limit God don't we. And because we think in God's eyes there are only two kinds of jobs: Banks or What not that we neglect our heart's desires.
What if you really loved to write? to dance? to sing? to connect with people? preach?
How about becoming a dancer? a writer? a singer? a counsellor? a pastor? missionary?
No lah. So low pay. Not marketeable. Don't think God will ask me to do something like that. Don't know if will succeed or not( don't know if I can feed myself)
Culture has made us believe that good jobs are those in the financial institutions, but have you ever remembered that God created such a diversity of talents and abilities that no one industry can accomodate all?
Esp in SMU la. Bank bank bank. Finance finance finance. I'm getting sick of listening to it man.
Continue thinking like that, sure. Cover your own backside. You will never walk into God's destiny for your life. You'll never find your promised land if you continue to decide that you want to arrange life for yourself.
Allow God to arrange life for you.
At its root its called practical agnosticsm. With our mouths we proclaim God the Lord of our lives, with our actions we proclaim that we are the Lord over our lives.
Oh man, digressed again.
Anyway back to the subject topic.
Sometimes I still wish God can shut that heart down. I'm absolutely petrified by beauty. PETRIFIED.
Check this blog post by John Eldredge. He's the best man. Ha.
Simone Weil was absolutely right—beauty and affliction are the only two things that can pierce our hearts. Because this is so true, we must have a measure of beauty in our lives proportionate to our affliction. No, more. Much more. Is this not God’s prescription for us? Just take a look around. The sights and sounds, the aromas and sensations—the world is overflowing with beauty. God seems to be rather enamored with it. Gloriously wasteful. Apparently, he feels that there ought to be plenty of it in our lives.
I am at a loss to say what I want to say regarding beauty. Somehow, that is as it ought to be. Our experience of beauty transcends our ability to speak about it, for its magic lies beyond the power of words.
I want to speak of beauty’s healing power, of how it comforts and soothes, yet also how it stirs us, how it moves and inspires. All that sounds ridiculous. You know your own experiences of beauty. Let me call upon them then. Think of your favorite music, or tapestry, or landscape. “We have had a couple of inspiring sunsets this week.” A dear friend sent this in an e-mail: “It was as if the seams of our atmosphere split for a bit of heaven to plunge into the sea. I stood and applauded . . . simultaneously I wanted to kneel and weep.” Yes—that’s it. All I want to do is validate those irreplaceable moments, lift any obstacle you may have to filling your life with greater and greater amounts of beauty.
We need not fear indulging here. The experience of beauty is unique to all the other pleasures in this: there is no possessive quality to it. Just because you love the landscape doesn’t mean you have to acquire the real estate. Simply to behold the flower is enough; there is nothing in me that wants to consume it. Beauty is the closest thing we have to fullness without possessing on this side of eternity. It heralds the Great Restoration. Perhaps that is why it is so healing—beauty is pure gift. It helps us in our letting go.
Source:http://www.xanga.com/solderchecker/662322194/item.html
What it does to my heart.
You know I was thinking as I was heading to my BSM class today, why do people expect so much from their life partners.
Anyway to bring it in context; a church with huge no. of singles and with no seeming intention to get attached.
I remember speaking to a leader about the kind of guy she's looking for, about a year ago. The kind of criteria she gave was .. well.. almost unattainable. She pointed to a pastor that was like 30 plus years old, married with kids.
I was thinking: wow, if you want a husband like that, you might as well wait another 10 years or so; you might just find one.
The thing is, while they like to 'peg their standards' to someone that's a role model in church, they can't expect guys their age to act, behave and be as strong spiritually as their pastors. Totally unreasonable ya, but well, that's the kind of pressure guys can face when wanting to date a church leader.
The kind of unspoken," Why can't you be more like this and this leader. Or this and this pastor?" pressure that's on a guy; any guy.
If you ask me, or any guy for that matter, are we looking for someone to pressure us how we should be better? That's our idea of the 'other half?' Is that our 'dream' beauty that our hearts are looking for?
Anyway, I digress.
Beauty.
Scarey thing God placed on earth yeah.
Sometimes I just wished my heart was dead to such things.
Simone Weil once said," There are only two things that pierce the human heart - beauty and affliction."
And God uses them both to get to our hearts.
Sometimes, to shut ourselves out, we kill our hearts, we kill that thing in our hearts that recognizes beauty when it sees it. Some of us call it holiness. But God made our hearts to recognize, be captured by beauty. It's not holiness to simply shut our hearts down.
But how tempting it is to do so. To be come a superb efficiency and productivity machine that doesn't stop going and going. Society views such people in high regard. Just forget your heart, go for productivity. Conform!
Speaking of which, this is how I feel now with all the work coming in. I'm not one to conform. I make alot of noise when I'm forced to do something I don't want to do it. No it's not called discipline.
While I believe that my discipline level can be worked on, but it's not discipline to force yourself to like and do something you totally have no feel, calling,
Discipline is what helps you achieve your dreams but cutting out unnecessary and useless activities; Discipline is NOT cutting out what you love to do and forcing yourself to like something you hate or feel nothing for.
When you love playing the piano and want to become a noted musician in the world; it's discipline to make yourself practice 5 times a week.
It's not discipline to tell yourself that you should just spend your time getting your As and getting acquianted with accounting.
Perhaps it was my mistake to have chosen accounting in the first place. But with all due respect to accountants and people who love accounting(like Xinhong), I totally hate it. Ha..
I find reading numbers to be a bore. Takes me about 3 minutes to lose my focus.
What a pity it is that most people believe that becoming 'marketeable' is the highest aim of any body.
"Where you going?"
"Finance/Banks."
"Why, cos of money ah."
"Ehhh.. no, because I like numbers."
"No, because I like challenging myself."
I find that hard to believe. Ha. With due respect to those who really love the subject of finance, ultimately its really about getting a good pay-> $$ -> security.
And for the Christian:
Good pay -> $$ -> security in life -> Be 'set' for life -> Less need to lean on God
How about:
Heart -> Passion -> Uncertain $$ -> No natural security -> Uncertain future -> Need to lean on God
Sometimes we think that we're 'trusting' God. And most people live a life thinking that they've been trusting God ( God, Banks or Big 4? lead me as to which one you want me to go)
What do you want?
I want to go bank.
Nono, what do you really want?
I er...
You know sometimes we limit God don't we. And because we think in God's eyes there are only two kinds of jobs: Banks or What not that we neglect our heart's desires.
What if you really loved to write? to dance? to sing? to connect with people? preach?
How about becoming a dancer? a writer? a singer? a counsellor? a pastor? missionary?
No lah. So low pay. Not marketeable. Don't think God will ask me to do something like that. Don't know if will succeed or not( don't know if I can feed myself)
Culture has made us believe that good jobs are those in the financial institutions, but have you ever remembered that God created such a diversity of talents and abilities that no one industry can accomodate all?
Esp in SMU la. Bank bank bank. Finance finance finance. I'm getting sick of listening to it man.
Continue thinking like that, sure. Cover your own backside. You will never walk into God's destiny for your life. You'll never find your promised land if you continue to decide that you want to arrange life for yourself.
Allow God to arrange life for you.
At its root its called practical agnosticsm. With our mouths we proclaim God the Lord of our lives, with our actions we proclaim that we are the Lord over our lives.
Oh man, digressed again.
Anyway back to the subject topic.
Sometimes I still wish God can shut that heart down. I'm absolutely petrified by beauty. PETRIFIED.
Check this blog post by John Eldredge. He's the best man. Ha.
Simone Weil was absolutely right—beauty and affliction are the only two things that can pierce our hearts. Because this is so true, we must have a measure of beauty in our lives proportionate to our affliction. No, more. Much more. Is this not God’s prescription for us? Just take a look around. The sights and sounds, the aromas and sensations—the world is overflowing with beauty. God seems to be rather enamored with it. Gloriously wasteful. Apparently, he feels that there ought to be plenty of it in our lives.
I am at a loss to say what I want to say regarding beauty. Somehow, that is as it ought to be. Our experience of beauty transcends our ability to speak about it, for its magic lies beyond the power of words.
I want to speak of beauty’s healing power, of how it comforts and soothes, yet also how it stirs us, how it moves and inspires. All that sounds ridiculous. You know your own experiences of beauty. Let me call upon them then. Think of your favorite music, or tapestry, or landscape. “We have had a couple of inspiring sunsets this week.” A dear friend sent this in an e-mail: “It was as if the seams of our atmosphere split for a bit of heaven to plunge into the sea. I stood and applauded . . . simultaneously I wanted to kneel and weep.” Yes—that’s it. All I want to do is validate those irreplaceable moments, lift any obstacle you may have to filling your life with greater and greater amounts of beauty.
We need not fear indulging here. The experience of beauty is unique to all the other pleasures in this: there is no possessive quality to it. Just because you love the landscape doesn’t mean you have to acquire the real estate. Simply to behold the flower is enough; there is nothing in me that wants to consume it. Beauty is the closest thing we have to fullness without possessing on this side of eternity. It heralds the Great Restoration. Perhaps that is why it is so healing—beauty is pure gift. It helps us in our letting go.
Source:http://www.xanga.com/solderchecker/662322194/item.html
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Leadership Movies
The previous post is a long overdue post which I left in my draft because I didn't have the time to finish it.
Anyway I'm currently busy with schoolwork( tell me something new!) and, okay here's the more interesting thing I guess: building my website. Maybe in time when it looks more decent I'll place the link here.
I'm doing a section in the website called Leadership Movies. I'm actually looking for good leadership movies that I can place for recommendation on my website. So if you know any movies that teach a good leadership lesson; do let me know in the comment box?!?! Haha.
In the next two weeks I have 7 projects/quizzes/reports due, so I mean, it's like a broken record when you are talking to SMU students now. It's the same story for everyone and like, sometimes I wonder if it even goes to the brain of the person I'm telling.
Haha.
"Been busy?"
"Yeah. So tired."
"Why?"
" I have (insert blanks) due in the next week."
As I'm saying that, I sometimes just cut myself off. I find making that statement to be drawing no compassion from people; not because they don't care, but because its the same old story every term, and the same story for 1000 other people.
Maybe one day I'll reply differently.
" Life's good. God is with me. I screwed up my quizzes and report but I don't care."
Ha. Take that, SMU. =P
Anyway, I really DO have alot to do now, so till next time I'm less 'drowned',
Anyway I'm currently busy with schoolwork( tell me something new!) and, okay here's the more interesting thing I guess: building my website. Maybe in time when it looks more decent I'll place the link here.
I'm doing a section in the website called Leadership Movies. I'm actually looking for good leadership movies that I can place for recommendation on my website. So if you know any movies that teach a good leadership lesson; do let me know in the comment box?!?! Haha.
In the next two weeks I have 7 projects/quizzes/reports due, so I mean, it's like a broken record when you are talking to SMU students now. It's the same story for everyone and like, sometimes I wonder if it even goes to the brain of the person I'm telling.
Haha.
"Been busy?"
"Yeah. So tired."
"Why?"
" I have (insert blanks) due in the next week."
As I'm saying that, I sometimes just cut myself off. I find making that statement to be drawing no compassion from people; not because they don't care, but because its the same old story every term, and the same story for 1000 other people.
Maybe one day I'll reply differently.
" Life's good. God is with me. I screwed up my quizzes and report but I don't care."
Ha. Take that, SMU. =P
Anyway, I really DO have alot to do now, so till next time I'm less 'drowned',
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Here comes Eve, beware!
As I was walking with my friend yesterday to lunch, there were like some guys just taking a second look at her.. the first thought that came to my mine," Here comes Eve, beware."
But recently, I've been really thinking about the kinda risk God actually took in creating Eve.
I remember reading this in Wild at Heart and I thought it was such a revelation! God created the world from simple to complex. From the sky and earth, to the sun, stars. Then in increasing complexity, the mountains, then the flowers, then the animals, and finally man.
So man is supposed to be like the most complex being amongst all of God's creation. He had something that all the other created things did not have: a soul.
But wait. There was one more created thing after man; a far more complex being, far greater in beauty: women.
Ah, now you know why women are so complex. Haha. They're supposed to be the most complex!
Eve was closer to in God-likeness than anything else in creation. This meant that man apart from God, would very most likely worship the next thing closest to Him: woman.
And I tell you, many guys, myself in my earlier days included, have placed woman in a position in our hearts that only God is supposed to occupy. Many guys have put the woman in worship.
I mean, look at the kind of music these days. Pst Kong said that the pop music of today reflects the culture of today. I mean, the daughters of Eve are almost worshiped, if not already worshiped.
These are two things closest to God in the natural world, which is what makes them objects of worship for alot of people who don't know God: Women and Money.
Ah. That sounds totally familiar doesn't it. Haha.
So anyway, to my female readers; it's really a compliment when it is said, you are closer to God in likeness, in complexity, in beauty.
You are in a position where guys might put you on that dreaded pedestle of worship. Watch out for the signs. =))
But recently, I've been really thinking about the kinda risk God actually took in creating Eve.
I remember reading this in Wild at Heart and I thought it was such a revelation! God created the world from simple to complex. From the sky and earth, to the sun, stars. Then in increasing complexity, the mountains, then the flowers, then the animals, and finally man.
So man is supposed to be like the most complex being amongst all of God's creation. He had something that all the other created things did not have: a soul.
But wait. There was one more created thing after man; a far more complex being, far greater in beauty: women.
Ah, now you know why women are so complex. Haha. They're supposed to be the most complex!
But why was it a risk?
Eve was closer to in God-likeness than anything else in creation. This meant that man apart from God, would very most likely worship the next thing closest to Him: woman.
And I tell you, many guys, myself in my earlier days included, have placed woman in a position in our hearts that only God is supposed to occupy. Many guys have put the woman in worship.
I mean, look at the kind of music these days. Pst Kong said that the pop music of today reflects the culture of today. I mean, the daughters of Eve are almost worshiped, if not already worshiped.
These are two things closest to God in the natural world, which is what makes them objects of worship for alot of people who don't know God: Women and Money.
Ah. That sounds totally familiar doesn't it. Haha.
So anyway, to my female readers; it's really a compliment when it is said, you are closer to God in likeness, in complexity, in beauty.
You are in a position where guys might put you on that dreaded pedestle of worship. Watch out for the signs. =))
Monday, October 13, 2008
Compromise.
On Saturday I did something that I never done before in my life: I blasted my Exco for their ill-discipline.
I just felt that I had allowed the standards to drop to such a level that it was just simply unacceptable.
Writing that email to reprimand the Exco was not something I wanted to do, nor something I felt equipped to. I just knew that when I sent that email, I'll become a very unpopular figure in my team.
The guy that speaks the bad news into the happy family.
I just hope that they will take it with a good attitude.
Sometimes as a leader to our peers, we must get a breakthrough in this area. The move from being a people pleaser to a God pleaser. I knew that the reason I didn't want to send that mail because after that, the line becomes clear.
You will either hate me or you would listen and stand with me.
I guess that's how we just have to be as a leader. Be the bearer of bad news. Be the disciplinarian.
It's easy when you are clearly superior in position and age and seniority, but it isn't easy when the people you're scolding are your friends. It's these times that you wish they weren't.
I don't feel I did the wrong thing by giving 'it' to them. I just can't compromise on these standards any longer.
The ministry is more important than my 'face' or me being a nice happy guy.
And speaking of which, today I'm expelled from Mr Christian Nice Guy school. lol.
I just felt that I had allowed the standards to drop to such a level that it was just simply unacceptable.
Writing that email to reprimand the Exco was not something I wanted to do, nor something I felt equipped to. I just knew that when I sent that email, I'll become a very unpopular figure in my team.
The guy that speaks the bad news into the happy family.
I just hope that they will take it with a good attitude.
Sometimes as a leader to our peers, we must get a breakthrough in this area. The move from being a people pleaser to a God pleaser. I knew that the reason I didn't want to send that mail because after that, the line becomes clear.
You will either hate me or you would listen and stand with me.
I guess that's how we just have to be as a leader. Be the bearer of bad news. Be the disciplinarian.
It's easy when you are clearly superior in position and age and seniority, but it isn't easy when the people you're scolding are your friends. It's these times that you wish they weren't.
I don't feel I did the wrong thing by giving 'it' to them. I just can't compromise on these standards any longer.
The ministry is more important than my 'face' or me being a nice happy guy.
And speaking of which, today I'm expelled from Mr Christian Nice Guy school. lol.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Budgeting
Today Pastor Kong talked about budgeting our finances.
I think it was something that really spoke to me because I realized I haven't been budgetting my finances for a long time ever since my computer crashed.
Budgeting is basically planned spending. And as a leader, we need to know how to plan our lives before we plan others' lives.
Self-leadership is one of the toughest things to do, but seriously, if you don't have self-leadership in your life, how can you have leadership in your organization or your team.
Budgeting does not mean that you cut down on every area of your spending, but it means you plan for it, and then keep within that budget.
I am motivated to start creating a budgeting template for myself, for my daily income and expenditure as well as a monthly summary, which I did the last time.
I think it's a great way to keep ourselves from debt and from overspending. Good stewardship with our money is important because it shows the level of self-leadership in our lives.
We want to plan for an organization's budget well. First we got to do our personal budget well.
--------------------------
On a side note, life's been pretty low recently for me. I'm going through quite alot in my heart now.
Alot of past wounds are resurfacing again.
Alot of hurts.
Sometimes I'm tempted to bury all that, and become a hard-driven, independent person who is an 'overachiever'. I could. I'm very tempted to. So that I will never need anyone again.
I'm faced with a decision everyday. I could choose to hide all the wounds and become an angry, hard person. Or I can bare my wounds in front of God, and let all that pain come in, and allow myself to grieve for the wounds.
It's going to hurt. But I guess it's the only way to the life God promised me.
When we kill our hearts along our journey in life in order to become 'stronger', in eseence we kill off our relationship with God, because in our hearts we're really resolving to say that," God, I don't need You in my life anymore. I can do life myself."
Sometimes when we choose we live from our hearts, allow our hearts to surface that we get hurt by people; by our team, by people we love. When we open our hearts like that, we open up ourselves to a risk. The risk of getting hurt and disappointed.
But then how, do we choose to kill our hearts because it hurts us, maybe for some of us, most of the time? Or do we choose to continue living from our hearts, because it is only with our hearts that we can do life well, with our whole body, soul and spirit.
Without our hearts, we cannot pray.
When we choose to kill our own desires, we cannot pray anymore. We don't need God when we don't have desire in our hearts. We don't need anything out of our control. We seek to control our environment by our own efforts. Whatever we cannot control, we kill or shut down.
Why then, we could get by much easier.
No more hurts, no more tears.
But we miss the point then.
The point of life is to experience its pain, hurt, love, joy in its fullness. To experience every emotion fully. The abundant life that Jesus promised in John 10:10.
Sigh.
I know very well what my heart is thinking and what decisions my heart is trying to make, but it doesn't make it any easier.
I think it was something that really spoke to me because I realized I haven't been budgetting my finances for a long time ever since my computer crashed.
Budgeting is basically planned spending. And as a leader, we need to know how to plan our lives before we plan others' lives.
Self-leadership is one of the toughest things to do, but seriously, if you don't have self-leadership in your life, how can you have leadership in your organization or your team.
Budgeting does not mean that you cut down on every area of your spending, but it means you plan for it, and then keep within that budget.
I am motivated to start creating a budgeting template for myself, for my daily income and expenditure as well as a monthly summary, which I did the last time.
I think it's a great way to keep ourselves from debt and from overspending. Good stewardship with our money is important because it shows the level of self-leadership in our lives.
We want to plan for an organization's budget well. First we got to do our personal budget well.
--------------------------
On a side note, life's been pretty low recently for me. I'm going through quite alot in my heart now.
Alot of past wounds are resurfacing again.
Alot of hurts.
Sometimes I'm tempted to bury all that, and become a hard-driven, independent person who is an 'overachiever'. I could. I'm very tempted to. So that I will never need anyone again.
I'm faced with a decision everyday. I could choose to hide all the wounds and become an angry, hard person. Or I can bare my wounds in front of God, and let all that pain come in, and allow myself to grieve for the wounds.
It's going to hurt. But I guess it's the only way to the life God promised me.
When we kill our hearts along our journey in life in order to become 'stronger', in eseence we kill off our relationship with God, because in our hearts we're really resolving to say that," God, I don't need You in my life anymore. I can do life myself."
Sometimes when we choose we live from our hearts, allow our hearts to surface that we get hurt by people; by our team, by people we love. When we open our hearts like that, we open up ourselves to a risk. The risk of getting hurt and disappointed.
But then how, do we choose to kill our hearts because it hurts us, maybe for some of us, most of the time? Or do we choose to continue living from our hearts, because it is only with our hearts that we can do life well, with our whole body, soul and spirit.
Without our hearts, we cannot pray.
When we choose to kill our own desires, we cannot pray anymore. We don't need God when we don't have desire in our hearts. We don't need anything out of our control. We seek to control our environment by our own efforts. Whatever we cannot control, we kill or shut down.
Why then, we could get by much easier.
No more hurts, no more tears.
But we miss the point then.
The point of life is to experience its pain, hurt, love, joy in its fullness. To experience every emotion fully. The abundant life that Jesus promised in John 10:10.
Sigh.
I know very well what my heart is thinking and what decisions my heart is trying to make, but it doesn't make it any easier.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
To self:
Build your business.
Take care of yourself.
No one is going to take care of you.
Manage your time selfishly.
No one's going to fight for you to have time for yourself.
Take care of yourself.
No one is going to take care of you.
Manage your time selfishly.
No one's going to fight for you to have time for yourself.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Communication in Leadership
Communication in leadership is such an important thing. Recently I've really been getting alot of feedback and insights on communication in leadership from the people around me.
My friend Weixin was telling me about how he feels that an organization as a whole should continually articulating its mission statement to their staff, so that the staff does not keep just doing admin and lose heart after a while, because the things they do are mundane.
Same thing with any group and with Uni-Y as well. I saw the importance of continually aligning the club in its core vision through sharing again and again with everyone.
That way everyone runs with a vision, and not instructions on things to do. How can a someone to be son to you, like how Timothy was a son to Paul? By you first sharing your heart's vision with them. If not they're just people who do mundane activities, and they're going to lose heart in time.
How many people do you know who actually love doing things without knowing its purpose? Don't blame your members for not running with you. Ask yourself when was the last time you actually shared the organizational vision with them?
Remember: A vision is NOT a number. There are some people who use numbers to articulate vision.
" We want to make $10,000 during the year 2009."
" We want to have 50 members in our group in a years' time."
That's a goal, not a vision. And not expect people to run with a goal. Goals are milestones. They are not vision.
Vision involves you painting a picture of what things can be. What things should be. That is sharing a vision. And people run after visions. People are motivated by visions. They aren't motivated by a number.
So continue to communicate. Remember that communication is the key to life. Communicate not at the speech level, but at the heart level. You'll see that people can flow with you much better =)
My friend Weixin was telling me about how he feels that an organization as a whole should continually articulating its mission statement to their staff, so that the staff does not keep just doing admin and lose heart after a while, because the things they do are mundane.
Same thing with any group and with Uni-Y as well. I saw the importance of continually aligning the club in its core vision through sharing again and again with everyone.
That way everyone runs with a vision, and not instructions on things to do. How can a someone to be son to you, like how Timothy was a son to Paul? By you first sharing your heart's vision with them. If not they're just people who do mundane activities, and they're going to lose heart in time.
How many people do you know who actually love doing things without knowing its purpose? Don't blame your members for not running with you. Ask yourself when was the last time you actually shared the organizational vision with them?
Remember: A vision is NOT a number. There are some people who use numbers to articulate vision.
" We want to make $10,000 during the year 2009."
" We want to have 50 members in our group in a years' time."
That's a goal, not a vision. And not expect people to run with a goal. Goals are milestones. They are not vision.
Vision involves you painting a picture of what things can be. What things should be. That is sharing a vision. And people run after visions. People are motivated by visions. They aren't motivated by a number.
So continue to communicate. Remember that communication is the key to life. Communicate not at the speech level, but at the heart level. You'll see that people can flow with you much better =)
Monday, September 22, 2008
Leadership Icebreakers #2
Here's another game on leadership icebreakers you can use to actually start off your crowd on the topic of leadership.
Leadership icebreakers #2: Taking the initiative
The speaker told everyone in the seminar to go around to exchange greetings with five other people in about 5 mins.
After 5 mins, he asked the crowd a few questions:
1. How many people actually did that for five other people? How many did less?
2. How many people did it for more than five people?
3. How many actually went the extra mile and starting asking others for namecards?
During this short exercise, the group was able to evaluate themselves on how they would behave on in a relationship: were they active people who would take the initiative to get to know others, or were they the type that were passive and waited for people to get to know them.
As a leader, we have to learn to take the initiative to get to know people. We are supposed to be the 'hosts' ( as opposed to guests) in a relationship. This means that we take initiative to direct, lead, make the other party feel welcome in your presence.
It means going the extra step in any relationship. Put it this way. People under you most likely won't be the ones coming to you and purposefully getting to know you. In Asian culture, it doesn't work that way.
It's always the superior that initiates the conversation and leads the direction of the conversation as well. So if you're in a position of leadership, you have to be the ones to befriend people, and not expect them to come to you for it.
On a side note: I'm writing this leadership icebreakers for a reason. Of which I'll tell you my friends if you ask me over MSN only. Haha.
Life's been pretty great. When us SMU-CHCers come together to pray in the morning, we can feel really energized and focused for the rest of the day to be productive, effective individuals.
Remember, that when we put Him first in our lives, says Matthew 6:33, that all the things that we need will be added unto us. =)
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Leadership icebreakers #2: Taking the initiative
The speaker told everyone in the seminar to go around to exchange greetings with five other people in about 5 mins.
After 5 mins, he asked the crowd a few questions:
1. How many people actually did that for five other people? How many did less?
2. How many people did it for more than five people?
3. How many actually went the extra mile and starting asking others for namecards?
During this short exercise, the group was able to evaluate themselves on how they would behave on in a relationship: were they active people who would take the initiative to get to know others, or were they the type that were passive and waited for people to get to know them.
As a leader, we have to learn to take the initiative to get to know people. We are supposed to be the 'hosts' ( as opposed to guests) in a relationship. This means that we take initiative to direct, lead, make the other party feel welcome in your presence.
It means going the extra step in any relationship. Put it this way. People under you most likely won't be the ones coming to you and purposefully getting to know you. In Asian culture, it doesn't work that way.
It's always the superior that initiates the conversation and leads the direction of the conversation as well. So if you're in a position of leadership, you have to be the ones to befriend people, and not expect them to come to you for it.
On a side note: I'm writing this leadership icebreakers for a reason. Of which I'll tell you my friends if you ask me over MSN only. Haha.
Life's been pretty great. When us SMU-CHCers come together to pray in the morning, we can feel really energized and focused for the rest of the day to be productive, effective individuals.
Remember, that when we put Him first in our lives, says Matthew 6:33, that all the things that we need will be added unto us. =)
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Leadership Icebreakers
I recently attended a leadership workshop and these are some of the leadership icebreaker games that the trainer played.
Leadership Icebreakers #1:
Communication in Leadership
Needs: A group of people and a ring of rope.
#1: Everyone, with their 2 hands, holds a section of the ring of rope standing up.
#2: The instructor gives an instructions to form the rope into a particular shape, say a circle.
#3: The group attempts to coordinate their movements and then lay the rope down on the floor with the spoken shape.
#4: They are asked by the instructor if the shape is to their satisfaction. The instructor then asks for feedback from the group about their experience in performing the exercise.
#5: Repeat steps #1-#4 with a more complex shape( a dog, flower or what not), but this time round without speaking and only using hand gestures.
#6: Repeat steps #1-#4, this time round without even hand gestures.
This exercise can be used to illustrate the importance of communication in leadership. Sometimes as leaders we don't know the importance of communication our goals and objectives to our members. As such, we get people who give vague results. But you see, you can't blame them. Vague instructions begets vague results.
I've had this experience with Uni-Y, where I didn't know the importance of constant communication of the goals of the organization. I thought once was enough and if I said it too many times, people might find me a irritating. But the converse was true. Upon feedback, my leaders told me that I needed to let them know about where we're heading because everyone was lost about what's happening and all.
Thank God for feedback. Ever since, I've made weekly communication of activities and now I have to go to the next level: making shared decisions as a team regularly.
Communication is the key to life. It's the key to getting any organization moving.
As a leader, you just gotta learn to be sure and exactly sure about what you want. If you're not sure about what exactly you're trying to achieve and that un-sureness gets communicationed to the members, you're not going to get anything right done.
Leadership Icebreakers #1:
Communication in Leadership
Needs: A group of people and a ring of rope.
#1: Everyone, with their 2 hands, holds a section of the ring of rope standing up.
#2: The instructor gives an instructions to form the rope into a particular shape, say a circle.
#3: The group attempts to coordinate their movements and then lay the rope down on the floor with the spoken shape.
#4: They are asked by the instructor if the shape is to their satisfaction. The instructor then asks for feedback from the group about their experience in performing the exercise.
#5: Repeat steps #1-#4 with a more complex shape( a dog, flower or what not), but this time round without speaking and only using hand gestures.
#6: Repeat steps #1-#4, this time round without even hand gestures.
This exercise can be used to illustrate the importance of communication in leadership. Sometimes as leaders we don't know the importance of communication our goals and objectives to our members. As such, we get people who give vague results. But you see, you can't blame them. Vague instructions begets vague results.
I've had this experience with Uni-Y, where I didn't know the importance of constant communication of the goals of the organization. I thought once was enough and if I said it too many times, people might find me a irritating. But the converse was true. Upon feedback, my leaders told me that I needed to let them know about where we're heading because everyone was lost about what's happening and all.
Thank God for feedback. Ever since, I've made weekly communication of activities and now I have to go to the next level: making shared decisions as a team regularly.
Communication is the key to life. It's the key to getting any organization moving.
As a leader, you just gotta learn to be sure and exactly sure about what you want. If you're not sure about what exactly you're trying to achieve and that un-sureness gets communicationed to the members, you're not going to get anything right done.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Identity
Today I felt the down down feeling again.
The feeling of you-know-not-what, but you're just down all of a sudden.
But after several incidents like it, I sort of guessed what it was: A judgment on my identity.
You know like, sometimes when people say something bad about you, or criticize your actions; you find yourself reacting more than what is rational. Sometimes maybe just a simple comment about your talking style, your personality, your dress sense and the like actually gets to you more than it should.
Your mind doesn't understand why you feel down, but your heart just does.
It's one of those,"I feel crappy today, but I don't know why."
It's a judgment on your identity. You unconsciously take someone's comment on you as a evaluation or judgment of your identity or who you are.
It usually happens when a person is not clear about his/her identity in God. The person takes the comments of another (usually the ones closer hurt more because we usually draw our identity from our family or close friends) as who they really are.
" Your shirt doesn't match your pants." becomes
" I'm a lousy dresser."
" I don't think that's a good idea." becomes
" You're uncreative and have lousy ideas."
" I think the program needs improving." becomes
" You're such a lousy planner."
or the more vicious ones,
" You purposely want to destroying my plans. You're not helping me and you're against me." becomes
" You have a bad heart that wants to sabotage your friends."
That's how some harmless comments get turned into judgments that actually hurt you.
1) Insecure people make you feel insecure about yourself.
It is the nature of an insecure person to want to criticize, blame or pull down others because doing so actually makes them feel more secure. By having weaker or unconsciously trying to discredit those around them actually makes them feel kinda better.
And it's not their fault. They themselves were faced with insecure or abusive people in their youth, causing them to be insecure themselves.
2) Take your judgment to God only
Only allow God to be your judge. In the end, it is God who created you and therefore only He really knows who you are. You derive your spiritual identity through your spiritual Father.
So listen to Him and Him alone, because only He knows who you are really. And take no criticism from others that are not in line with the Word of God.
Remember, while we are imperfect people, our nature, when we were connected to God, was inherently good. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
And anyway, God doesn't judge you for what you've done wrong because there's already forgiveness in Jesus.
And remember that knowing this in our heads and knowing it in our hearts is two entirely different things. We can proclaim it all the time, but it is through knowing our Heavenly Father that we can truly derive this identity.
As a leader, our secure identity in God helps to be able to take criticism postively and move forward, and in days were we make mistakes, we're able to accept our imperfections and improve without feeling too lousy about ourselves. Because as a leader, it's natural that our faults are placed out there for the world to see because we are the ones making alot of decisions.
Our faults are magnified, and subject to alot of scrutiny and inevitably all the people who want to help you will give you ways to improve and all the people who don't like you talk behind your back about how screwed up you are.
Learn to take all these as comments, and only listen to God on matters of identity. Bring these comments and test them against the Word of God. Listen to those in line with the Word, and forget the rest.
But of course, it means alot more time with God. The question of identity is never in the head, but of the heart. When you really get to know your Heavenly Father, that's when your identity becomes as clear as crystal.
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The feeling of you-know-not-what, but you're just down all of a sudden.
But after several incidents like it, I sort of guessed what it was: A judgment on my identity.
You know like, sometimes when people say something bad about you, or criticize your actions; you find yourself reacting more than what is rational. Sometimes maybe just a simple comment about your talking style, your personality, your dress sense and the like actually gets to you more than it should.
Your mind doesn't understand why you feel down, but your heart just does.
It's one of those,"I feel crappy today, but I don't know why."
It's a judgment on your identity. You unconsciously take someone's comment on you as a evaluation or judgment of your identity or who you are.
It usually happens when a person is not clear about his/her identity in God. The person takes the comments of another (usually the ones closer hurt more because we usually draw our identity from our family or close friends) as who they really are.
" Your shirt doesn't match your pants." becomes
" I'm a lousy dresser."
" I don't think that's a good idea." becomes
" You're uncreative and have lousy ideas."
" I think the program needs improving." becomes
" You're such a lousy planner."
or the more vicious ones,
" You purposely want to destroying my plans. You're not helping me and you're against me." becomes
" You have a bad heart that wants to sabotage your friends."
That's how some harmless comments get turned into judgments that actually hurt you.
1) Insecure people make you feel insecure about yourself.
It is the nature of an insecure person to want to criticize, blame or pull down others because doing so actually makes them feel more secure. By having weaker or unconsciously trying to discredit those around them actually makes them feel kinda better.
And it's not their fault. They themselves were faced with insecure or abusive people in their youth, causing them to be insecure themselves.
2) Take your judgment to God only
Only allow God to be your judge. In the end, it is God who created you and therefore only He really knows who you are. You derive your spiritual identity through your spiritual Father.
So listen to Him and Him alone, because only He knows who you are really. And take no criticism from others that are not in line with the Word of God.
Remember, while we are imperfect people, our nature, when we were connected to God, was inherently good. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
And anyway, God doesn't judge you for what you've done wrong because there's already forgiveness in Jesus.
And remember that knowing this in our heads and knowing it in our hearts is two entirely different things. We can proclaim it all the time, but it is through knowing our Heavenly Father that we can truly derive this identity.
As a leader, our secure identity in God helps to be able to take criticism postively and move forward, and in days were we make mistakes, we're able to accept our imperfections and improve without feeling too lousy about ourselves. Because as a leader, it's natural that our faults are placed out there for the world to see because we are the ones making alot of decisions.
Our faults are magnified, and subject to alot of scrutiny and inevitably all the people who want to help you will give you ways to improve and all the people who don't like you talk behind your back about how screwed up you are.
Learn to take all these as comments, and only listen to God on matters of identity. Bring these comments and test them against the Word of God. Listen to those in line with the Word, and forget the rest.
But of course, it means alot more time with God. The question of identity is never in the head, but of the heart. When you really get to know your Heavenly Father, that's when your identity becomes as clear as crystal.
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Monday, September 15, 2008
God first.
You know recently the daily morning prayer meetings have really brought me a revelation about putting God first in our lives.
In our finances, we tithe because we want to put God first. So the first fruits of our finances go into the work of kingdom, with our heart to God.
And God promises that when we put Him first, all the things that we need will be added unto us.
So really, the morning prayer meetings we are doing now is a simple thing: To put God first in our day. Like the tithe, by praying the first thing in the morning, either corporately or personally, we are showing God that He is first in our lives, literally.
I mean, how many Christians have you heard telling you all about what it means to put God first in their lives? They come up with complex theories and behaviors that display what it means to put God first in our lives.
But really, putting Him first is about asking Him how you should go about the day, how you should make your decisions before you actually make them! I've seen countless Christians make their decisions and then ask God to prosper that decision!
But why would God prosper what He didn't ask you to do?
I think as a leader, you are put in that position where your decisions matter much more than otherwise. The results are even more obvious when you learn to put God first in your decision-making. Your organization or ministry is affected by that decision, be it from your flesh or from the Spirit of God.
Putting God first is at its heart, a surrender to God. And I always remember what Benny Hinn and Kathryn Kuhlman said: It's about surrender. It's about recognizing that everything you have in your hands; your job, your ministry, your organization really belongs to God, and it's about asking God what you should do with it.
I remmeber what Pastor Kong said about the employee that told him he was too busy with managing his cell groups to answer Pastor Kong's call into missions.
It's the same thing with God. We shouldn't be too busy with managing God's business that when God calls us, we're so caught up with what we believe is 'God's will' that we don't hear Him.
I'm always challenged in this area: Is Uni-Y really God's ministry, or am I secretly making it my own?
The answer can always be found in decision making. Is God the President of the organization, and hence you consult him before making a decision, or are you the president of your own organization/life and you make the decision before asking for His support?
In our finances, we tithe because we want to put God first. So the first fruits of our finances go into the work of kingdom, with our heart to God.
And God promises that when we put Him first, all the things that we need will be added unto us.
So really, the morning prayer meetings we are doing now is a simple thing: To put God first in our day. Like the tithe, by praying the first thing in the morning, either corporately or personally, we are showing God that He is first in our lives, literally.
I mean, how many Christians have you heard telling you all about what it means to put God first in their lives? They come up with complex theories and behaviors that display what it means to put God first in our lives.
But really, putting Him first is about asking Him how you should go about the day, how you should make your decisions before you actually make them! I've seen countless Christians make their decisions and then ask God to prosper that decision!
But why would God prosper what He didn't ask you to do?
I think as a leader, you are put in that position where your decisions matter much more than otherwise. The results are even more obvious when you learn to put God first in your decision-making. Your organization or ministry is affected by that decision, be it from your flesh or from the Spirit of God.
Putting God first is at its heart, a surrender to God. And I always remember what Benny Hinn and Kathryn Kuhlman said: It's about surrender. It's about recognizing that everything you have in your hands; your job, your ministry, your organization really belongs to God, and it's about asking God what you should do with it.
I remmeber what Pastor Kong said about the employee that told him he was too busy with managing his cell groups to answer Pastor Kong's call into missions.
It's the same thing with God. We shouldn't be too busy with managing God's business that when God calls us, we're so caught up with what we believe is 'God's will' that we don't hear Him.
I'm always challenged in this area: Is Uni-Y really God's ministry, or am I secretly making it my own?
The answer can always be found in decision making. Is God the President of the organization, and hence you consult him before making a decision, or are you the president of your own organization/life and you make the decision before asking for His support?
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Theories of Leadership
Today we studied the contingency theories of leadership in AMA class.
Charismatic leadership, Transactional leadership, Servant leadership and the like.
One thing that the professor mentioned that really set me thinking about how untrue it is.
Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I don't think power corrupts. Putting a person in a position of influence or leadership merely brings out a person's character. Leadership is like a magnifier of a person's values and beliefs.
If you don't know how to plan your life, you won't know how to plan the roadmap for an organization.
If you're quiet and don't communicate much, as a leader you will start getting miscommunications and misunderstandings within the organizations.
If deep in your heart, you're really a person who is insecure and needs affirmation from people around you, you'll do things when you're in leadership to glorify or find praise for yourself instead of serving the vision or organization.
Basically, the case of power corruption is really a reflection of our generation's lack of solid values in their lives.
God always brings a person through a period where his/her values are defined, refined, and created. Where he finds security and identity in His heavenly Father, and not having to find it elsewhere.
The problem comes when a person wants a position of leadership, wanting to lord over people to satisfy their insecure nature. That's when you see corruption.
Unrefined values before sending them for the test.
And leadership is a test of character, not so much a refiner of character. As a leader, what you are in your private life comes out and is put up on display for the whole world to see.
I never thought power corrupts, but rather it brings out the corruption of the human heart.
Charismatic leadership, Transactional leadership, Servant leadership and the like.
One thing that the professor mentioned that really set me thinking about how untrue it is.
Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I don't think power corrupts. Putting a person in a position of influence or leadership merely brings out a person's character. Leadership is like a magnifier of a person's values and beliefs.
If you don't know how to plan your life, you won't know how to plan the roadmap for an organization.
If you're quiet and don't communicate much, as a leader you will start getting miscommunications and misunderstandings within the organizations.
If deep in your heart, you're really a person who is insecure and needs affirmation from people around you, you'll do things when you're in leadership to glorify or find praise for yourself instead of serving the vision or organization.
Basically, the case of power corruption is really a reflection of our generation's lack of solid values in their lives.
God always brings a person through a period where his/her values are defined, refined, and created. Where he finds security and identity in His heavenly Father, and not having to find it elsewhere.
The problem comes when a person wants a position of leadership, wanting to lord over people to satisfy their insecure nature. That's when you see corruption.
Unrefined values before sending them for the test.
And leadership is a test of character, not so much a refiner of character. As a leader, what you are in your private life comes out and is put up on display for the whole world to see.
I never thought power corrupts, but rather it brings out the corruption of the human heart.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Changing my blog focus
After reading Xinhong's blog and hearing some feedback from people, and after attending leadership contingency theory class fo AMA, I do think that it's better that my blog value adds to people who actually read it.
Rather than talking about what my life is and all, I think its better that I take a reflective and relevational approach to my blog. At least I can share with people my insights in my own leadership journey; through the reading, learning and applying it. =)
Rather than talking about what my life is and all, I think its better that I take a reflective and relevational approach to my blog. At least I can share with people my insights in my own leadership journey; through the reading, learning and applying it. =)
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Seasons
You know, like I'm beginning to recognize the times and seasons in my life. This season is really only a little reflection time, and like alot of time being out there, doing planning, speaking in front of people, negotiating. Like I've been thrown into battle suddenly.
During this period, it's the season where your character is revealed, as compared to the time of the 'cocoon', as one leadership trainer I met put it, where our character and values are being formed and refined.
Which is why I haven't been blogging. It's just not the season for me to blog. So bear with me la. I know it's not v interesting to hear about how sian I've been, or how long a day's been, or what not. Haha I'm basically repeating the story for thousands of other lives around me.
--------
Anyway I've just read Xinhong's blog over the past few days and I thought the thing he mentioned about people wanting to change you rather good to dwell on.
I think like people would really make a difference in this world; one thing is that they are in essence, different from the rest. I think that's one fact that will remain.
If we seek to be different from the world, then we must be different. Sounds painfully obvious. But how many people around you say that they want to be history makers or make a real difference in the world, and then, when the next person comes and tell them to get in line with the rest of the world, they do it.
They act the same, dress the same, believe the same. Like that how to change the world.
So we get people who tell other that they're too driven, too intellectual. I get people telling me I should adjust myself here and there to suit them. I should be less emo (reflective). Shoud be this, should be that.
Actually, it's really that somethings we do that make people uncomfortable, because like what Xinhong says; reveals their insecurity. A secure person doesn't mind someone around him to be stronger say, spiritually, intellectually, in strength of character wise, in motivation. In fact he enjoys the fact that there are people around him that he can learn from.
An insecure person however, deep in their heart, sees something like that as a threat. Of course no one admits it la. It happens at the heart level.
I mean of course there are those who just don't understand why people are different from them. Well, God made us all originals mah. I mean that's you hear and preach all the time.
I mean, if we really accept the premise that God did make us all different, why are we so surprised to see someone behaving, believing, liking different things from us?
In my role as a leader, my job is not to find people who are like me to be on the team. My job is to find people with diverse strengths to fill the roles that suit them the best. I'm weak at connecting to people at a group level; fine, I find someone who can to complement me.
When I put a team of 3 on a project, we need people from all 4 spectrums of the DISC personality. Need a D to drive it, an I to connect to the people on a larger manner, S-es for support and connecting one-to-one, as well as C-s to do the detailed planning.
When you're a leader, there's really no space for you to go and think about and complain that people are different from you. You start thinking about where the person fits best in the organism.
As the saying goes, a good team leverages on each other's strengths and cover each other's weaknesses.
You know, to really appreciate this difference, we must in our hearts know what God called us for. If we know what God called us for in our lives. What ministry and calling and stuff, we won't be going around feeling insecure, jealous and ignorant about others' calling.
We begin to understand that God has called us to strengths in different areas. It's almost like saying, I'm travelling path X, you're doing path Y. Who's faster? I don't know, we're not travelling on the same pathway, we have different obstacles, different valleys and peaks. There's totally no basis for comparison.
The fact that society does try to bring us into common ground through our GPAs to grade our lives, doesn't mean we have to listen to it.
We're unique; we walk different roads.
Don't walk another's.
=))
During this period, it's the season where your character is revealed, as compared to the time of the 'cocoon', as one leadership trainer I met put it, where our character and values are being formed and refined.
Which is why I haven't been blogging. It's just not the season for me to blog. So bear with me la. I know it's not v interesting to hear about how sian I've been, or how long a day's been, or what not. Haha I'm basically repeating the story for thousands of other lives around me.
--------
Anyway I've just read Xinhong's blog over the past few days and I thought the thing he mentioned about people wanting to change you rather good to dwell on.
I think like people would really make a difference in this world; one thing is that they are in essence, different from the rest. I think that's one fact that will remain.
If we seek to be different from the world, then we must be different. Sounds painfully obvious. But how many people around you say that they want to be history makers or make a real difference in the world, and then, when the next person comes and tell them to get in line with the rest of the world, they do it.
They act the same, dress the same, believe the same. Like that how to change the world.
So we get people who tell other that they're too driven, too intellectual. I get people telling me I should adjust myself here and there to suit them. I should be less emo (reflective). Shoud be this, should be that.
Actually, it's really that somethings we do that make people uncomfortable, because like what Xinhong says; reveals their insecurity. A secure person doesn't mind someone around him to be stronger say, spiritually, intellectually, in strength of character wise, in motivation. In fact he enjoys the fact that there are people around him that he can learn from.
An insecure person however, deep in their heart, sees something like that as a threat. Of course no one admits it la. It happens at the heart level.
I mean of course there are those who just don't understand why people are different from them. Well, God made us all originals mah. I mean that's you hear and preach all the time.
I mean, if we really accept the premise that God did make us all different, why are we so surprised to see someone behaving, believing, liking different things from us?
In my role as a leader, my job is not to find people who are like me to be on the team. My job is to find people with diverse strengths to fill the roles that suit them the best. I'm weak at connecting to people at a group level; fine, I find someone who can to complement me.
When I put a team of 3 on a project, we need people from all 4 spectrums of the DISC personality. Need a D to drive it, an I to connect to the people on a larger manner, S-es for support and connecting one-to-one, as well as C-s to do the detailed planning.
When you're a leader, there's really no space for you to go and think about and complain that people are different from you. You start thinking about where the person fits best in the organism.
As the saying goes, a good team leverages on each other's strengths and cover each other's weaknesses.
You know, to really appreciate this difference, we must in our hearts know what God called us for. If we know what God called us for in our lives. What ministry and calling and stuff, we won't be going around feeling insecure, jealous and ignorant about others' calling.
We begin to understand that God has called us to strengths in different areas. It's almost like saying, I'm travelling path X, you're doing path Y. Who's faster? I don't know, we're not travelling on the same pathway, we have different obstacles, different valleys and peaks. There's totally no basis for comparison.
The fact that society does try to bring us into common ground through our GPAs to grade our lives, doesn't mean we have to listen to it.
We're unique; we walk different roads.
Don't walk another's.
=))
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Hai
Feeling that sad feeling again.
It like a constant struggle for my identity.
Anyway one interesting fact about my life now: The person I speak most to in MSN now; I only ever spoken one sentence to her in real life.
" Can I take a picture with you?"
Lol.
It like a constant struggle for my identity.
Anyway one interesting fact about my life now: The person I speak most to in MSN now; I only ever spoken one sentence to her in real life.
" Can I take a picture with you?"
Lol.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Apologies
for not blogging for such a long time. Haha.
I think my life has come to a point where I have very little time to reflect because at almost any moment, my mind is on something to do. Not good.
Anyway I thank God that He's really doing a work in Uni-Y. Last Wednesday we had a breakthrough attendance of 120 people, which is like 3-4 times last year's attendance for a welcome tea.
The problem I'm facing now is really how to handle so many people.
Ah, that's where all the things I've learnt in church and in class comes in. Haha.
Systems.
Checks and balances.
Retention, follow-up.
The pressure is on me. I think this is the time where all the time I spent in my cocoon refining my values, my character is finally showing. Whether I did that time right or not, I think the next few months to a year will show. People looking to me for direction in the ministry.
But I must say it's interesting, tho tiring, to come up with modules to teach people HR management, leadership and how to manage volunteers. To teach people retention and follow up. I think I myself needs training in that area, considering that I'm a natural introvert.
Honestly if you ask me; I rather hide in some cave and blend into the background then go out and speak in front of the crowd. But bo pian. Haha. I'm forced to speak.
Well, thank God for these opportunities, which otherwise I would probably would never do it.
Uni-Y's growing and I'm getting busier with school work as well. But I really hope I still will have time to write those reflective blog posts and entries. Ha...
Maybe I should just cut and paste some from my weekly revelations to my cell group leader. Haha. I will. =)
I think my life has come to a point where I have very little time to reflect because at almost any moment, my mind is on something to do. Not good.
Anyway I thank God that He's really doing a work in Uni-Y. Last Wednesday we had a breakthrough attendance of 120 people, which is like 3-4 times last year's attendance for a welcome tea.
The problem I'm facing now is really how to handle so many people.
Ah, that's where all the things I've learnt in church and in class comes in. Haha.
Systems.
Checks and balances.
Retention, follow-up.
The pressure is on me. I think this is the time where all the time I spent in my cocoon refining my values, my character is finally showing. Whether I did that time right or not, I think the next few months to a year will show. People looking to me for direction in the ministry.
But I must say it's interesting, tho tiring, to come up with modules to teach people HR management, leadership and how to manage volunteers. To teach people retention and follow up. I think I myself needs training in that area, considering that I'm a natural introvert.
Honestly if you ask me; I rather hide in some cave and blend into the background then go out and speak in front of the crowd. But bo pian. Haha. I'm forced to speak.
Well, thank God for these opportunities, which otherwise I would probably would never do it.
Uni-Y's growing and I'm getting busier with school work as well. But I really hope I still will have time to write those reflective blog posts and entries. Ha...
Maybe I should just cut and paste some from my weekly revelations to my cell group leader. Haha. I will. =)
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Long time no blogzzz.
Ha. Hey all who still even catch up on my blog.
I haven't been updating ever since I came back from Hong Kong. I went there for a Uni-Y conference with the other Uni-Ys in the ASEAN region, from Hong Kong, Japan, Taiwan, South Korea, Philippines and so on.
Anyway most of the online action ever since I came back have been happening on my facebook. The HK people are really facebook addicts, so I'm catching up with them there. As well as on skype.
Realized only recently that skype is really great for chatting without using my hands. Lazy me. Haha.
Anyway it was an amazing time. The sharing of culture, the fellowship, the international meetings, the jokes, the interesting fling stories. Really love those guys. I guess for us maybe we've managed to interact with the nicer people. After all, they're all in Uni-Y to want to make a positive change in their society.
But it's great.
We're hosting the mini UN meeting next year in singapore. And we formed the coalition called University YMCA Asia Pacific. How cool is that. Haha.
Actually before this meeting I didn't have any idea how developed the Uni-Y overseas really were. They've generally been around longer than we were, but I must comment that the Singaporeans are probably the most competent in terms of like presentation skills and report writing and stuff.
Not to say its a good thing; these people from other countries I feel, live a more all rounded lifestyle than us. Who cares if they don't do it as well. They're happy people nonetheless.
Hmm, next year when they come Singapore must preach up a storm to inspire them to go back to their countries to make a real difference =)
Oh yeah, the singapore team got a chance to lead a devotion session. Kinda like a short short cell group. It was a great time for alot of people, including unbelievers, and one of them told me she felt like crying during the worship session and felt goosebumps. Praise the Lord ;) Holy Spirit was there.
You must understand these people don't get the kinda worship experience we get in CHC. More like the traditional kinda religious session. So I think it was refreshing for them for a more comtemporary style. =) Alot of them asked for the worship song 'still' after it. Really happy. Just a pity we couldn't take more of the sessions. Might have gotten a few saved tho. ( Must understand this is a community service conference. Haha. )
But it really opened up my heart alot. To see people from other countries and all. A refreshing change from just SMU and CHC. Not that either are bad. It's just great to know people from entirely different cultures ;)
Anyway, here are just some updates. The deeper issues, another time bah. ;)
I haven't been updating ever since I came back from Hong Kong. I went there for a Uni-Y conference with the other Uni-Ys in the ASEAN region, from Hong Kong, Japan, Taiwan, South Korea, Philippines and so on.
Anyway most of the online action ever since I came back have been happening on my facebook. The HK people are really facebook addicts, so I'm catching up with them there. As well as on skype.
Realized only recently that skype is really great for chatting without using my hands. Lazy me. Haha.
Anyway it was an amazing time. The sharing of culture, the fellowship, the international meetings, the jokes, the interesting fling stories. Really love those guys. I guess for us maybe we've managed to interact with the nicer people. After all, they're all in Uni-Y to want to make a positive change in their society.
But it's great.
We're hosting the mini UN meeting next year in singapore. And we formed the coalition called University YMCA Asia Pacific. How cool is that. Haha.
Actually before this meeting I didn't have any idea how developed the Uni-Y overseas really were. They've generally been around longer than we were, but I must comment that the Singaporeans are probably the most competent in terms of like presentation skills and report writing and stuff.
Not to say its a good thing; these people from other countries I feel, live a more all rounded lifestyle than us. Who cares if they don't do it as well. They're happy people nonetheless.
Hmm, next year when they come Singapore must preach up a storm to inspire them to go back to their countries to make a real difference =)
Oh yeah, the singapore team got a chance to lead a devotion session. Kinda like a short short cell group. It was a great time for alot of people, including unbelievers, and one of them told me she felt like crying during the worship session and felt goosebumps. Praise the Lord ;) Holy Spirit was there.
You must understand these people don't get the kinda worship experience we get in CHC. More like the traditional kinda religious session. So I think it was refreshing for them for a more comtemporary style. =) Alot of them asked for the worship song 'still' after it. Really happy. Just a pity we couldn't take more of the sessions. Might have gotten a few saved tho. ( Must understand this is a community service conference. Haha. )
But it really opened up my heart alot. To see people from other countries and all. A refreshing change from just SMU and CHC. Not that either are bad. It's just great to know people from entirely different cultures ;)
Anyway, here are just some updates. The deeper issues, another time bah. ;)
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
Uni-Y FOC
Well, the highlight event of the year for Uni-Y is finally over =)
There's so great things that happened, but not much time to write about it. Maybe I'll wait for pictures first =)
It's just so amazing where God has brought this ministry, and the people He has brought into it. =)
There's so great things that happened, but not much time to write about it. Maybe I'll wait for pictures first =)
It's just so amazing where God has brought this ministry, and the people He has brought into it. =)
Friday, July 25, 2008
Tranquility
Here was a post I drafted but never posted it out 1 month over ago. Too close to the heart.
-------
“Goodbye, I’m going to miss you.”
I said, as we reached the place where we had to seperate. She was flying off tomorrow.
I give her a pat on the shoulder.
“Really.”
She smiled.
As I turned to walk in the other direction, she raises her sweet yet firm voice above the sound of the afternoon.
“Be strong!”
I was pleasantly surprised; for it was an uncommon word from a gentle and quiet lady.
I turned.
I looked back at her one more time.
I smiled,
clenching my fist, I replied,
“I will!”
------
Two words more effect than a sermon.
They say two things that pierce the heart more than anything else does: Beauty and Affliction.
Beauty has pierced mine.
I would sit at my chair in my room, just sitting.
Just waiting.
Just longing.
For hours...
Suddenly, the TV doesn’t seem so interesting anymore.
Suddenly, the computer seems almost an hindrance...
Suddenly, I notice the beauty in my garden, the stillness of flowers under the moonlit night sky.
… the beauty of music, its power to capture emotion.
… the evening sky, lit by the setting sun.
I would wait.
Time would stand.
Beauty has stilled my heart.
They say, there comes a time in your walk with God, when it’s not about the battles anymore, when the Sacred Romance begins.
Suddenly, I notice.
Yes, You have awakened my heart to Beauty. Through her, You have.
They say, that only when a man begins to see, then he is ready.
---
“What is your address over there?”
“I’ll write.”
A smile. “Aww, that’s sweet.”
"I don’t know, I’ve only been there once in my life.”
Tomorrow’s battles don’t seem so hard. Yes, there is a certain quietness tonight. A stillness beyond time.
Tonight, time stands still.
-----
As I turned to walk in the other direction, she raises her sweet yet firm voice above the sound of the afternoon.
“Be strong!”
I was pleasantly surprised; for it was an uncommon word from a gentle and quiet lady.
I turned.
I looked back at her one more time.
I smiled,
clenching my fist, I replied,
“I will!”
I always will.
------------------
When I looked back, I thought I was ... too emotional.
But I just spoke to her over MSN tonight.
Tried to give her an overseas call but I think she wasn't at the phone.
Then suddenly.
That's feeling came back again.
That feeling of tranquility.
Of peace.
Like I touched the a tinge of that glory.
My heart stilled again. Stopped. In the midst of my crazy planning and following up on alot of events, my heart just stopped suddenly.
And noticed the sound of the crickets in the night.
The glistening of dew on the leaves.
It's something about her, or something I saw through her.
unexplainable...
But wow.
I suddenly remember the times where I would really just sit there and wait for God. For hours.
But now sadly, all of life's distractions is coming back to me. The TV especially, looking to be entertained.
But I remember the times where ...
I would just sit down and wait. and wait somemore.
I'm going to find it.
True beauty.
It's so unexplainable but so powerful, so heart-wrenching.
What is it about you that I am held captive by?
-------
“Goodbye, I’m going to miss you.”
I said, as we reached the place where we had to seperate. She was flying off tomorrow.
I give her a pat on the shoulder.
“Really.”
She smiled.
As I turned to walk in the other direction, she raises her sweet yet firm voice above the sound of the afternoon.
“Be strong!”
I was pleasantly surprised; for it was an uncommon word from a gentle and quiet lady.
I turned.
I looked back at her one more time.
I smiled,
clenching my fist, I replied,
“I will!”
------
Two words more effect than a sermon.
They say two things that pierce the heart more than anything else does: Beauty and Affliction.
Beauty has pierced mine.
I would sit at my chair in my room, just sitting.
Just waiting.
Just longing.
For hours...
Suddenly, the TV doesn’t seem so interesting anymore.
Suddenly, the computer seems almost an hindrance...
Suddenly, I notice the beauty in my garden, the stillness of flowers under the moonlit night sky.
… the beauty of music, its power to capture emotion.
… the evening sky, lit by the setting sun.
I would wait.
Time would stand.
Beauty has stilled my heart.
They say, there comes a time in your walk with God, when it’s not about the battles anymore, when the Sacred Romance begins.
Suddenly, I notice.
Yes, You have awakened my heart to Beauty. Through her, You have.
They say, that only when a man begins to see, then he is ready.
---
“What is your address over there?”
“I’ll write.”
A smile. “Aww, that’s sweet.”
"I don’t know, I’ve only been there once in my life.”
Tomorrow’s battles don’t seem so hard. Yes, there is a certain quietness tonight. A stillness beyond time.
Tonight, time stands still.
-----
As I turned to walk in the other direction, she raises her sweet yet firm voice above the sound of the afternoon.
“Be strong!”
I was pleasantly surprised; for it was an uncommon word from a gentle and quiet lady.
I turned.
I looked back at her one more time.
I smiled,
clenching my fist, I replied,
“I will!”
I always will.
------------------
When I looked back, I thought I was ... too emotional.
But I just spoke to her over MSN tonight.
Tried to give her an overseas call but I think she wasn't at the phone.
Then suddenly.
That's feeling came back again.
That feeling of tranquility.
Of peace.
Like I touched the a tinge of that glory.
My heart stilled again. Stopped. In the midst of my crazy planning and following up on alot of events, my heart just stopped suddenly.
And noticed the sound of the crickets in the night.
The glistening of dew on the leaves.
It's something about her, or something I saw through her.
unexplainable...
But wow.
I suddenly remember the times where I would really just sit there and wait for God. For hours.
But now sadly, all of life's distractions is coming back to me. The TV especially, looking to be entertained.
But I remember the times where ...
I would just sit down and wait. and wait somemore.
I'm going to find it.
True beauty.
It's so unexplainable but so powerful, so heart-wrenching.
What is it about you that I am held captive by?
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Homesick
Once again, reading a friend's blog. He was aching because he had to leave Europe soon from his exchange. Yeah, it was probably a time for holiday and travelling and sightseeing for him.
The ache of leaving a holiday and coming back to 'reality'. The harsh reality of life with it's struggles, strivings and rat-raching.
That same ache when we look at a picture of a glorious sunset, the same ache of watching the serene mountains surrounded by lush green trees.
You know what's the problem?
We're missing home.
We're homesick.
We were never meant to live in the world we're living in now. It's a mess. We're missing that place that Adam and Eve first found themselves.
Eden.
Paradise.
We're all looking for it aren't we? That holiday in that beach resort, or treking in the ranged mountains.
We're looking for Heaven. On earth.
A place without pain, shame, tears, hurts, anger. A place of brotherhood, community, love, true friendship, heart-to-heart connections, a place of rest.
That ache is not unreal. It is real.
And it's pointing us back to where we first began.
Pointing us to Home.
We can never explain the existence of Heaven with our heads. Not with reason or science or facts.
But we know it exists with our hearts. We cannot deny the ache in our hearts, can we?
------
Today I begin to notice the sounds again.
The chirping of the birds.
The silhouette of the branches against the evening sky.
Beautiful.
Thank God for beauty. =)
The ache of leaving a holiday and coming back to 'reality'. The harsh reality of life with it's struggles, strivings and rat-raching.
That same ache when we look at a picture of a glorious sunset, the same ache of watching the serene mountains surrounded by lush green trees.
You know what's the problem?
We're missing home.
We're homesick.
We were never meant to live in the world we're living in now. It's a mess. We're missing that place that Adam and Eve first found themselves.
Eden.
Paradise.
We're all looking for it aren't we? That holiday in that beach resort, or treking in the ranged mountains.
We're looking for Heaven. On earth.
A place without pain, shame, tears, hurts, anger. A place of brotherhood, community, love, true friendship, heart-to-heart connections, a place of rest.
That ache is not unreal. It is real.
And it's pointing us back to where we first began.
Pointing us to Home.
We can never explain the existence of Heaven with our heads. Not with reason or science or facts.
But we know it exists with our hearts. We cannot deny the ache in our hearts, can we?
------
Today I begin to notice the sounds again.
The chirping of the birds.
The silhouette of the branches against the evening sky.
Beautiful.
Thank God for beauty. =)
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Freedom – Being you
“God, I’m tired.” There I go again.
“Of what?” was the immediate reply.
Oh.. now that’s something new.
“Of being someone else.” My heart blurted out.
Ah. My eyebrow is raised, and my attention is caught.
“Be real, Yihan. Be yourself.”
“I’ll try.”
“No, it’s not about trying. You don’t have to try to be yourself. Just live being true to your heart. Your feelings. Don’t listen to them when they tell you that it’s not about how you feel, but what you should do.”
“Eh…. I’ll ..tr… I will.”
I’ll be real.
Now, no wonder I like being alone so much. I’m just myself and I don’t have to try.
I can just walk at my own speed. Thinking about stuff as I wish. And tell my God who understands every single feeling and thought that goes through my head.
Sometimes trying to be someone else is really tiring. We try so hard because we think being ‘right’ with God means living up to the standards and expectations of our church leaders.
One prayer I keep making, “ God, be my judgement. And no one else.”
Sometimes we try to be someone else because we’re afraid of being judged. We take people’s opinions of us as truth, as sentences.
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re too slack. You should come church and cell group more.”
“You’re too aggressive.”
“You think too much.”
Or the big: “ You’re not good enough.”
And so what do we do? We live by people’s standards. We try to be someone else to be accepted.
And sadly, usually the people we want acceptance from the most are the people closest to us, and it makes it all the more tougher.
Jesus only seeked one approval. There were those who accepted Him, and there were those that didn’t. I think it must have hurt to have his brother reject Him.
But sometimes what happens when we live from our hearts. The people around us start beating us down. You’re too emotional. You’re too this or that. You’re too unspiritual. Pray more.
And on two occasions I took down 2 blog posts, because it was straight from the heart. And it left me vulnerable.
We live in a world with people denying their own hearts especially in churches rife with religion and beat others down when they live from their hearts.
Really, I really believe that the best gift you can give someone is to give permission for that person to live from his/her heart.
I remember a friend once telling me:
“ Yihan, I don’t want to go for service this two weeks because I feel that when I don’t go for service but spend the time with God instead, I feel more refreshed and closer to Him.”
“Well then, don’t go for these two weeks then. Just let your cell group leader know that you’re coming back two weeks later.”
Cell group leader comes after me with knife again. Haha.
We need permission. We need permission to be who we really are.
St Irrenaus said that the glory of God is the man fully alive.
When we live fully from the center of our hearts, that’s when the glory of God will show most powerfully in our lives. It’s a pity most of us live denying that part of us that will ultimately reveal His glory.
Sometimes I feel like asking friends out for supper, but I always back away because I feel like I have to be something else.
So to my friends around me: and I think I speak for everyone. My greatest wish is for you to allow me to be myself around you. Don’t judge me. That alone is a bigger gift than anything else.
And that’s why Jesus told us not to judge. It’s all this judging that forces a yoke, a burden on people’s necks to be someone else. Accept the nuances of your friends, the flaws, the imperfections, the bad habits.
God accepts you.
And it also comes to the point where you know, we have to find our identity in God. As I mentioned earlier, God should be our ultimate judge and no one else. God alone knows who we are and He has our real Name written on a white stone ( in Revelations) reserved for overcomers.
It is only your Father who can tell you who you are. The One who made you.
Anyway at the end of your life. You’re not answering to your friends. Their opinions won’t count for a thing. You’re going to answer to God.
So we have to come to place where we live free fully from men’s opinions, and seek only One approval. It’s tough. It’s a journey to the center of the heart. One that might take a lifetime. But at the end we find freedom. Freedom.
Friends, the act of judging does not mean we do not see the flaws or acknowledge them. It is to acknowledge them and accept that imperfection. I’ve several friends whom people would consider weird or what, but hey if you love them, get in their shoes and understand their perspective and their lives.
If only I had permission to punch those people who judge. Ah well.
No wonder Jesus was so pissed with the Pharisees.
“Of what?” was the immediate reply.
Oh.. now that’s something new.
“Of being someone else.” My heart blurted out.
Ah. My eyebrow is raised, and my attention is caught.
“Be real, Yihan. Be yourself.”
“I’ll try.”
“No, it’s not about trying. You don’t have to try to be yourself. Just live being true to your heart. Your feelings. Don’t listen to them when they tell you that it’s not about how you feel, but what you should do.”
“Eh…. I’ll ..tr… I will.”
I’ll be real.
Now, no wonder I like being alone so much. I’m just myself and I don’t have to try.
I can just walk at my own speed. Thinking about stuff as I wish. And tell my God who understands every single feeling and thought that goes through my head.
Sometimes trying to be someone else is really tiring. We try so hard because we think being ‘right’ with God means living up to the standards and expectations of our church leaders.
One prayer I keep making, “ God, be my judgement. And no one else.”
Sometimes we try to be someone else because we’re afraid of being judged. We take people’s opinions of us as truth, as sentences.
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re too slack. You should come church and cell group more.”
“You’re too aggressive.”
“You think too much.”
Or the big: “ You’re not good enough.”
And so what do we do? We live by people’s standards. We try to be someone else to be accepted.
And sadly, usually the people we want acceptance from the most are the people closest to us, and it makes it all the more tougher.
Jesus only seeked one approval. There were those who accepted Him, and there were those that didn’t. I think it must have hurt to have his brother reject Him.
But sometimes what happens when we live from our hearts. The people around us start beating us down. You’re too emotional. You’re too this or that. You’re too unspiritual. Pray more.
And on two occasions I took down 2 blog posts, because it was straight from the heart. And it left me vulnerable.
We live in a world with people denying their own hearts especially in churches rife with religion and beat others down when they live from their hearts.
Really, I really believe that the best gift you can give someone is to give permission for that person to live from his/her heart.
I remember a friend once telling me:
“ Yihan, I don’t want to go for service this two weeks because I feel that when I don’t go for service but spend the time with God instead, I feel more refreshed and closer to Him.”
“Well then, don’t go for these two weeks then. Just let your cell group leader know that you’re coming back two weeks later.”
Cell group leader comes after me with knife again. Haha.
We need permission. We need permission to be who we really are.
St Irrenaus said that the glory of God is the man fully alive.
When we live fully from the center of our hearts, that’s when the glory of God will show most powerfully in our lives. It’s a pity most of us live denying that part of us that will ultimately reveal His glory.
Sometimes I feel like asking friends out for supper, but I always back away because I feel like I have to be something else.
So to my friends around me: and I think I speak for everyone. My greatest wish is for you to allow me to be myself around you. Don’t judge me. That alone is a bigger gift than anything else.
And that’s why Jesus told us not to judge. It’s all this judging that forces a yoke, a burden on people’s necks to be someone else. Accept the nuances of your friends, the flaws, the imperfections, the bad habits.
God accepts you.
And it also comes to the point where you know, we have to find our identity in God. As I mentioned earlier, God should be our ultimate judge and no one else. God alone knows who we are and He has our real Name written on a white stone ( in Revelations) reserved for overcomers.
It is only your Father who can tell you who you are. The One who made you.
Anyway at the end of your life. You’re not answering to your friends. Their opinions won’t count for a thing. You’re going to answer to God.
So we have to come to place where we live free fully from men’s opinions, and seek only One approval. It’s tough. It’s a journey to the center of the heart. One that might take a lifetime. But at the end we find freedom. Freedom.
Friends, the act of judging does not mean we do not see the flaws or acknowledge them. It is to acknowledge them and accept that imperfection. I’ve several friends whom people would consider weird or what, but hey if you love them, get in their shoes and understand their perspective and their lives.
If only I had permission to punch those people who judge. Ah well.
No wonder Jesus was so pissed with the Pharisees.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Freedom - Part I
I was reading my friend's blog yesterday and it suddenly reminded me of something I was supposed to write but left it aside weeks ago. Freedom.
Freedom. Jesus says that it is for freedom that He came to set us free. Freedom from religion, freedom from sin.
She mentioned Pastor mentioned religious people saying things like:
“The TV is the devil’s box, don’t watch it.”
or “ If you bow towards your elders, it is like worshipping them so it is wrong."
Well, it really sounds absurd. But I want to say that sometimes these rules run more subtly in the church, and they do have them in every church, and this is because of man’s refusal to rely on God and God alone. Sometimes they need rules and regulations so that they know they’re ‘okay’.
More subtle ones would be like, “Thou shall attend service and cell group every week.”
or “Thou shall pray an hour a day and read 3 chapters of the Bible everyday.”
Well, really, it is unspoken and because it’s a spirit of religion. While the examples Pastor Kong mentioned might be blatantly dumb, but I think each of us should examine our hearts, because at the core of it is a spirit of religion.
Each of us has our own set of rules and regulations that decide if we’re ‘spiritual’ or ‘right’ with God. We have our own set of 20 commandments, or 200. It may not sound as blatantly stupid as what Pastor mentioned, but for each of us, often it comes unconsciously, into a heart that just refuses to lean purely on the leading of the Holy Spirit.
Let’s go back to the beginning.
In the beginning in the garden with Adam and Eve, God gave no rules, no nothing, and only one restriction not to eat of that tree. No Ten Commandments.
A few hundred years later, maybe thousands, we come to Abraham, who still didn’t have the Ten Commandments. Deemed righteous by God.
And then we observe Job, Noah who were deemed righteous by God, but hey, no Ten Commandments for them.
No Bible to read too.
But where does sin begin? It begins from a life that is resolved to be lived apart from God. The fact is, God placed a lot of desires in our heart, and it is our decision to choose to satisfy these desires apart from God that causes us to sin.
We desire beauty. God the creator of woman in her original glory, is far more beautiful than her. Yet when we seek beauty apart from God, we find pornography, prostitution and what not. But it is God that has the beauty that can truly captivate our hearts.
A famous writer (forgot name) said: “When a man knocks on the door of a brothel, he’s looking for God.”
We desire glory. God had given man and woman that glory in the original creation, but now that we’re separated from God, we choose to find our glory in riches, fame, power, when yet, God has the best and the original glory for us.
We desire fairness and justice. God is the judge for all, and it is when we choose to do justice for ourselves, we find murderers, unforgiveness, and hatred in our hearts. But God is the one who will do vengeance for the wronged.
We desire security. God gave it to Adam, but when Adam lost his glory, he was afraid, says the Bible. So since that time, us men and women have been trying to find security in all the wrong places, in having lots of money, in that girl/guy, in getting our As and what not. But it is God who can give us the ultimate security, because whatever else will fail with time.
But seriously, once you've seen the REAL thing in Jesus, you will never settle for what the world or the devil has to offer anymore.
So then, the Bible says to guard our hearts (and its desires), not to kill it.
I would see it as like .. let’s say, eating fast food. As I’m guilty of as I’m thinking about this.
We have a hunger for food. But hence here is the decision point, what would we use to ease that hunger? What would we use to fill that cup? So for most of us youths who don’t really give much of a care to our health, we fill it with fast food. We are fed, we fill full, but unbeknownst to us, our body is ‘polluted’ with crap.
And it works the same way for each and every desire of our hearts. We desire, let’s say.. security. Now we have options. More money so that we can have a secure future, the guy/girl that makes us feel safe, or God. It is like junk food, snacks or a wholesome homemade meal with fruits and vegetables?
Whatever we use to ease our hunger, to fill our cups, we would choose it more easily the next time. Whatever we choose to make us secure, we’ll in all probability stick to it.
Did you know that if a child grows up eating fruits, vegetables and all the right food in his/her diet, the child will have a distaste for sweets and chocolates and the nonsense food? Cool right.
It's the same with us. Once we tasted God, we don't want anything less. We reject the phoney.
I’m not saying it is not okay to find security in money, or a guy/girl. Each of it provides us with a certain level of it no doubt. I’m just addressing our ultimate source of security.
Which cup are you drinking from today to quench that desire? (Remember Jesus told the Samaritan woman to drink from a cup that she would never thirst?)
I remember one time I was praying in my room, and telling God, “God, I want to build this website and make $XXX dollars a month with it by the end of the year!”
“Why?” was the immediate impression I got.
I immediately thought out what was in my heart, “Because then I’ll be set for life (without You).” I was absolutely shocked at what came into my mind.
But I caught the idol of my heart. In my heart, I still wanted to rely on money to give me that security that only God could give. I smiled; gotcha! =)
It set me thinking about myself, do I really see money as a channel of blessing to others, or is it just to me so that I can live in the false security of it, thinking that once I have enough, all my life will be in a sense, settled.
A side note: It is good to talk out your feelings and your desires, often they give a big clue about the condition of your heart. Don't keep in all in, or trying to think what's not right and what's not wrong. You have to speak it out and go deep into your own heart.
Well, the point I’m trying to say is that, our desires are not wrong. That’s why Pst Mike say don’t go and drive a knife through your heart. Your desires are important and they matter to God.
Your heart is the treasure of the kingdom.
And so then, back to Jesus. What did He do for you? Bible says he came to set us free. It is for freedom he came to set us free.
How does reconciliation with God set us free? By having our desires connected back to Him again. When our desires are connected back to God, we become free from the bondage of anything of this world to seek what we are supposed to seek from God: Security, Beauty, Glory, Justice, what not.
We suddenly don’t need money anymore to give us security. No need pornography to find beauty.
It is when we are fully connected back to God once again, like in the original creation. That’s when the law gets written in our hearts. That’s when we can do away with these rules and regulations. Because by being connected back to God again, we automatically fulfill the law. Not that the law is abolished. No. It is fulfilled.
Would you covet if you knew (in your heart) that God of all universe is your provider?
Would you murder if you knew God would do justice for you?
Would you find an idol if you knew God would be your ultimate protector and provide you the security you need?
At Jesus’ death and resurrection, the veil in the temple was torn and the relationship between God and man could be restored, at its fullest potential, like in the original creation. The beginning without rules, without commandments, but a pure freedom to live freely with desire, free from addictions.
Yes, that’s the freedom Jesus is talking about.
The freedom to desire.
The freedom to live from your heart.
Our highest calling is not morality, it is freedom.
Friends.
In Jesus, you are truly free.
*Imagines yourself soaring with outstretched hands through the skies overlooking the lush green forests, passing through the great bodies of clouds in the sky.*
Yes. Freedom to live life to the fullest.
This, my friends, is called the Good News. =)
And in typical Braveheart fashion, I end my blog post with a,
*sword thrusted up in the air* "FREEEEEDDDOOOOOMMMMM!!!"
Freedom. Jesus says that it is for freedom that He came to set us free. Freedom from religion, freedom from sin.
She mentioned Pastor mentioned religious people saying things like:
“The TV is the devil’s box, don’t watch it.”
or “ If you bow towards your elders, it is like worshipping them so it is wrong."
Well, it really sounds absurd. But I want to say that sometimes these rules run more subtly in the church, and they do have them in every church, and this is because of man’s refusal to rely on God and God alone. Sometimes they need rules and regulations so that they know they’re ‘okay’.
More subtle ones would be like, “Thou shall attend service and cell group every week.”
or “Thou shall pray an hour a day and read 3 chapters of the Bible everyday.”
Well, really, it is unspoken and because it’s a spirit of religion. While the examples Pastor Kong mentioned might be blatantly dumb, but I think each of us should examine our hearts, because at the core of it is a spirit of religion.
Each of us has our own set of rules and regulations that decide if we’re ‘spiritual’ or ‘right’ with God. We have our own set of 20 commandments, or 200. It may not sound as blatantly stupid as what Pastor mentioned, but for each of us, often it comes unconsciously, into a heart that just refuses to lean purely on the leading of the Holy Spirit.
Let’s go back to the beginning.
In the beginning in the garden with Adam and Eve, God gave no rules, no nothing, and only one restriction not to eat of that tree. No Ten Commandments.
A few hundred years later, maybe thousands, we come to Abraham, who still didn’t have the Ten Commandments. Deemed righteous by God.
And then we observe Job, Noah who were deemed righteous by God, but hey, no Ten Commandments for them.
No Bible to read too.
But where does sin begin? It begins from a life that is resolved to be lived apart from God. The fact is, God placed a lot of desires in our heart, and it is our decision to choose to satisfy these desires apart from God that causes us to sin.
We desire beauty. God the creator of woman in her original glory, is far more beautiful than her. Yet when we seek beauty apart from God, we find pornography, prostitution and what not. But it is God that has the beauty that can truly captivate our hearts.
A famous writer (forgot name) said: “When a man knocks on the door of a brothel, he’s looking for God.”
We desire glory. God had given man and woman that glory in the original creation, but now that we’re separated from God, we choose to find our glory in riches, fame, power, when yet, God has the best and the original glory for us.
We desire fairness and justice. God is the judge for all, and it is when we choose to do justice for ourselves, we find murderers, unforgiveness, and hatred in our hearts. But God is the one who will do vengeance for the wronged.
We desire security. God gave it to Adam, but when Adam lost his glory, he was afraid, says the Bible. So since that time, us men and women have been trying to find security in all the wrong places, in having lots of money, in that girl/guy, in getting our As and what not. But it is God who can give us the ultimate security, because whatever else will fail with time.
But seriously, once you've seen the REAL thing in Jesus, you will never settle for what the world or the devil has to offer anymore.
So then, the Bible says to guard our hearts (and its desires), not to kill it.
I would see it as like .. let’s say, eating fast food. As I’m guilty of as I’m thinking about this.
We have a hunger for food. But hence here is the decision point, what would we use to ease that hunger? What would we use to fill that cup? So for most of us youths who don’t really give much of a care to our health, we fill it with fast food. We are fed, we fill full, but unbeknownst to us, our body is ‘polluted’ with crap.
And it works the same way for each and every desire of our hearts. We desire, let’s say.. security. Now we have options. More money so that we can have a secure future, the guy/girl that makes us feel safe, or God. It is like junk food, snacks or a wholesome homemade meal with fruits and vegetables?
Whatever we use to ease our hunger, to fill our cups, we would choose it more easily the next time. Whatever we choose to make us secure, we’ll in all probability stick to it.
Did you know that if a child grows up eating fruits, vegetables and all the right food in his/her diet, the child will have a distaste for sweets and chocolates and the nonsense food? Cool right.
It's the same with us. Once we tasted God, we don't want anything less. We reject the phoney.
I’m not saying it is not okay to find security in money, or a guy/girl. Each of it provides us with a certain level of it no doubt. I’m just addressing our ultimate source of security.
Which cup are you drinking from today to quench that desire? (Remember Jesus told the Samaritan woman to drink from a cup that she would never thirst?)
I remember one time I was praying in my room, and telling God, “God, I want to build this website and make $XXX dollars a month with it by the end of the year!”
“Why?” was the immediate impression I got.
I immediately thought out what was in my heart, “Because then I’ll be set for life (without You).” I was absolutely shocked at what came into my mind.
But I caught the idol of my heart. In my heart, I still wanted to rely on money to give me that security that only God could give. I smiled; gotcha! =)
It set me thinking about myself, do I really see money as a channel of blessing to others, or is it just to me so that I can live in the false security of it, thinking that once I have enough, all my life will be in a sense, settled.
A side note: It is good to talk out your feelings and your desires, often they give a big clue about the condition of your heart. Don't keep in all in, or trying to think what's not right and what's not wrong. You have to speak it out and go deep into your own heart.
Well, the point I’m trying to say is that, our desires are not wrong. That’s why Pst Mike say don’t go and drive a knife through your heart. Your desires are important and they matter to God.
Your heart is the treasure of the kingdom.
And so then, back to Jesus. What did He do for you? Bible says he came to set us free. It is for freedom he came to set us free.
How does reconciliation with God set us free? By having our desires connected back to Him again. When our desires are connected back to God, we become free from the bondage of anything of this world to seek what we are supposed to seek from God: Security, Beauty, Glory, Justice, what not.
We suddenly don’t need money anymore to give us security. No need pornography to find beauty.
It is when we are fully connected back to God once again, like in the original creation. That’s when the law gets written in our hearts. That’s when we can do away with these rules and regulations. Because by being connected back to God again, we automatically fulfill the law. Not that the law is abolished. No. It is fulfilled.
Would you covet if you knew (in your heart) that God of all universe is your provider?
Would you murder if you knew God would do justice for you?
Would you find an idol if you knew God would be your ultimate protector and provide you the security you need?
At Jesus’ death and resurrection, the veil in the temple was torn and the relationship between God and man could be restored, at its fullest potential, like in the original creation. The beginning without rules, without commandments, but a pure freedom to live freely with desire, free from addictions.
Yes, that’s the freedom Jesus is talking about.
The freedom to desire.
The freedom to live from your heart.
Our highest calling is not morality, it is freedom.
Friends.
In Jesus, you are truly free.
*Imagines yourself soaring with outstretched hands through the skies overlooking the lush green forests, passing through the great bodies of clouds in the sky.*
Yes. Freedom to live life to the fullest.
This, my friends, is called the Good News. =)
And in typical Braveheart fashion, I end my blog post with a,
*sword thrusted up in the air* "FREEEEEDDDOOOOOMMMMM!!!"
Friday, July 11, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Narnia
I've watched Narnia about 4 times now, almost all on TV, and I never fail to be captivated by it.
Especially where Peter goes," For Narnia and for Aslan!!!"
So much stirs inside of me when he charges into battle against evil.
And it always is interesting to 'ah!' about certain parts of the show; those that link back to the Bible. For those might not know, Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is a story of Jesus and his defeat of death written by CS Lewis, one of the greatest Christian writers of the 20th ( or was it 19th) century.
It was interesting to note that Lucy and her sister(forgot her name) accompanied Aslan and were there at his resurrection. So did Mary her mother, and Mary Magdelene at the Cross and at Jesus' tomb.
It was also another thing to note that Aslan went to the white witches castle to actually set the captives free before he actually went to battle with the white witch. Jesus went down to Hades to set the prisoners free before he ascended into Heaven. Amazing ah.
And how Aslan, after killing the white witch (defeating Death) turned to Peter and said that line we all know so well:
" It is finished."
But the part I liked the most was one of the last conversations with Lucy and the fawn.
" You shouldn't press him (Aslan). He's not a tame lion."
"But he's good."
Amen to that.
Jesus wasn't a tame man, nor a nice one. But He was good. Guys, God didn't call you to be tame or 'nice'. He called you to be wild. And good.
Anyway, I've decided I'm doing too many things that are irrelevant and just simply taking up my time for nothing, so I'm streamlining my activities. And blogging is one thing that has to go out of the window.
After this, I just have one last post to share, when I have more time to write. And then that's it. =)
Especially where Peter goes," For Narnia and for Aslan!!!"
So much stirs inside of me when he charges into battle against evil.
And it always is interesting to 'ah!' about certain parts of the show; those that link back to the Bible. For those might not know, Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is a story of Jesus and his defeat of death written by CS Lewis, one of the greatest Christian writers of the 20th ( or was it 19th) century.
It was interesting to note that Lucy and her sister(forgot her name) accompanied Aslan and were there at his resurrection. So did Mary her mother, and Mary Magdelene at the Cross and at Jesus' tomb.
It was also another thing to note that Aslan went to the white witches castle to actually set the captives free before he actually went to battle with the white witch. Jesus went down to Hades to set the prisoners free before he ascended into Heaven. Amazing ah.
And how Aslan, after killing the white witch (defeating Death) turned to Peter and said that line we all know so well:
" It is finished."
But the part I liked the most was one of the last conversations with Lucy and the fawn.
" You shouldn't press him (Aslan). He's not a tame lion."
"But he's good."
Amen to that.
Jesus wasn't a tame man, nor a nice one. But He was good. Guys, God didn't call you to be tame or 'nice'. He called you to be wild. And good.
Anyway, I've decided I'm doing too many things that are irrelevant and just simply taking up my time for nothing, so I'm streamlining my activities. And blogging is one thing that has to go out of the window.
After this, I just have one last post to share, when I have more time to write. And then that's it. =)
Monday, June 23, 2008
Something has changed.
Something changed in my heart.
Suddenly, I don't like the TV or the computer anymore. It just suddenly lost all of its attraction to me. It's like... my heart saw something greater. Something.
Something's changed in my life.
And I'm glad.
=)
Suddenly, I don't like the TV or the computer anymore. It just suddenly lost all of its attraction to me. It's like... my heart saw something greater. Something.
Something's changed in my life.
And I'm glad.
=)
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Daughter of Destiny
I was just reading Kathryn Kuhlman's Biography titled Daughter of Destiny.
(Kathryn Kuhlman is the spiritual mentor of Benny Hinn)
(Yeah, I put Pilgrim's Progress aside for a while. Typical of me. Haha)
Went through 9 chapters in one shot.
One thing I can say about her life. Wow.
Kathryn Kuhlman was not a perfect lady, with a perfect life. Far from that. She had her fall from grace which kept her out of ministry 8 years when she married a man who divorced his wife for her.
I'm just awed by the things she said, her life philosophies she held. It was alot of imperfections, alot of character flaws, alot of things not done right in her ministry.
But God used her.
That's the bottom line.
Many things about her life hit me, but I think what was key was this, I quote from the book:
When Kathryn preached those heart-searching messages on a jealous God who would not 'share the glory' with any earthly figure, she was preaching to herself. She knew how desperately she needed to hear that message and apply it to her own life. So she preached it over and over, for no minister in this century - perhaps even the Time of the Apostles - was under more pressure to weaken and accept some of the glory herself.
and the chapter ends with:
"At times," she once confided privately, " in my weakness, I just go ahead and accept the praise and thanksgiving. Sometimes I am so weary that if I did not accept some of the praise I would go under. And it seems God allows me to do it, just to keep me going. But at the end of the day, when I am all alone in my bedroom, I raise my hands toward heaven and say,' Dear Jesus, you know what they said abou me today. But now I give it all back to you. I am nothing, and nobdoy knows that better than e. I have no healing power. No healing virtue. There's nothing attractive in me. But dear Jesus, you are everything. And today the people got us all mied up. I didn't have the strength to straighten them out, but I know you understand. And now I give you all they gave me. I ask but one thing - take not your Holy Spirit from me, for without Him I will surely die."
Wow. Scarey. Haha.
But from the mouth of one of the greatest evangelists of the 20th century.
(Kathryn Kuhlman is the spiritual mentor of Benny Hinn)
(Yeah, I put Pilgrim's Progress aside for a while. Typical of me. Haha)
Went through 9 chapters in one shot.
One thing I can say about her life. Wow.
Kathryn Kuhlman was not a perfect lady, with a perfect life. Far from that. She had her fall from grace which kept her out of ministry 8 years when she married a man who divorced his wife for her.
I'm just awed by the things she said, her life philosophies she held. It was alot of imperfections, alot of character flaws, alot of things not done right in her ministry.
But God used her.
That's the bottom line.
Many things about her life hit me, but I think what was key was this, I quote from the book:
When Kathryn preached those heart-searching messages on a jealous God who would not 'share the glory' with any earthly figure, she was preaching to herself. She knew how desperately she needed to hear that message and apply it to her own life. So she preached it over and over, for no minister in this century - perhaps even the Time of the Apostles - was under more pressure to weaken and accept some of the glory herself.
and the chapter ends with:
"At times," she once confided privately, " in my weakness, I just go ahead and accept the praise and thanksgiving. Sometimes I am so weary that if I did not accept some of the praise I would go under. And it seems God allows me to do it, just to keep me going. But at the end of the day, when I am all alone in my bedroom, I raise my hands toward heaven and say,' Dear Jesus, you know what they said abou me today. But now I give it all back to you. I am nothing, and nobdoy knows that better than e. I have no healing power. No healing virtue. There's nothing attractive in me. But dear Jesus, you are everything. And today the people got us all mied up. I didn't have the strength to straighten them out, but I know you understand. And now I give you all they gave me. I ask but one thing - take not your Holy Spirit from me, for without Him I will surely die."
Wow. Scarey. Haha.
But from the mouth of one of the greatest evangelists of the 20th century.
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